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Originally Posted by [b
Quote[/b] (WallyLlama @ July 20 2004,03:38)]How do I get a woman talking about her innermost desires and fantasies?
I take the time to build a trusting relationship with her... to make her feel loved and accepted. I make sure she understands that my desires to know her more intimately do not include any hidden agendas and that I care enough for her total person that anything she tells me about her fantasies and desires is not going to change my opinion of her.
I let her reveal things about herself at a pace she's comfortable with... I may encourage her to share, but I don't demand it.
I pay attention to her and observe her reaction to the things I say and do. She doesn't have to tell me whether or not many things "feel good" as I can see it in her eyes and face and hear it in her breathing.
I know that human nature being what it is, we all have parts of us that will always be private and that is our right. It also contributes to healthy relationships. So I respect her right to choose not to tell me certain things.
If you've done all that and she still doesn't have much to say, I might be able to come up with a couple more suggestions.
It is a difficult topic to discuss and you're correct that many people probably haven't given much thought to what "pushes them over the edge." That's all the more reason to build a good foundation first.
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Thanks, I've got foundation-laying covered, what I need help with now is how to spark the process of getting her describing what turns her on, and WHY, instead of her simply being aroused by a particular act/person/scenario etc without knowing why. *I can describe, in detail, why the above 5 items arouse me; I want to get her thinking and able to describe why her corresponding desires get her worked up.
Sexual introspection, if you will.
It's a reflective exercise too, I need to do it myself, after which I'll be better placed to help her do so, but I'm hoping others have a structured approach they use that I can adapt for our purposes.
JB