[thetease13]

if she is a virgin, that could be what the issue is.
it may also be that she's not wet enough and turned on enough. if we're dry down there it's unfomfortable for us even if no one is trying to do anything to us. so it's even more uncomfortable if someone is trying to stick something in us.

but i shall ask you a question. are you fingernails well trimmed? the hurting may be caused by your fingernails and you may be scratching her..and if she is dry and you are scratching her, it can be quite painful.
trim your fingernails and file them. no, it's not "girly" to do that. there's nothing wrong with a guy getting a good pedicure.

as for the clit, um, i really don't see how finding that would be a problem. it's that big nub at the end.
your problem may not be "finding it" it may be that she's gotten used to what you're and it doesn't bring her the amount of pleasure it used to. there's nothing really wrong with that. it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. and sometimes, if a girl just isn't in the mood, she just isn't in the mood.