[Bewitching]

Hi Starburst! *

My goodness, i can not begin to exaggerate how i know just how you feel! *I have been in the same situation before, but now i can proudly say i am no where near as bad as what i used to be.

I have been with my b/f for the same amount of time as you and your b/f, and we are all the same age, so i can relate yet again! *Ok, so here's what happened to me:

The first time i ever had a proper conversation with my current b/f, he told me about 10 minutes into the convo. that he had an exgirlfriend that went to a school i had just previously mentioned, and to add the best bit in, he told me she looked like Britney Spears and everyone used to call her "Britney". *Well, that just made me feel great there and then, particularly cuz i hadn't had such a hot looking guy go after me before!! *and my whole life i've never been confident within myself, i was always degradeing myself. So ever since then, that's all i thought i was compared to - good ol' little Brits. *I even despise her! *We never really had a relationship after that though, i thought he was too up himself and just like his other mates (playing girls around all the time). *Then he came crawling back after giving me a 2.5 month break from him! *Well, it obviously worked!

So anyway, that was the key that made me so unbelievably selfconscience, a little like when your man told you he'd "consider" hitting on another girl. *Basically, it makes you feel like mould at the bottom of a pool with a broken filter (if you've ever seen one!). *Makes you feel like complete S#*t, and as if you're never gonna be good enough cuz you have to compare yourself to the enemy, and in most our cases, its the beautiful women we see everyday. *Couldn't men be the beautiful of the humans? So anyway...

Just after our first year anniversary, our relationship was finally hitting the rocks, through constant arguing and assuming things of my boyfriend i should never have assumed. *I know for a fact, there is no way of getting a man to stop looking at women, but its the WAY they look at them. *Quite a number of times, my boyfriend would see an attractive woman, and he'd give a short nod of his head as in "she's alright" and saying it in his head kinda thing, obviously not thinking i'd see. *This got to me SO MAD, and i was constantly worried and depressed about our relationship. *When this happened, and i confronted him finally, that's when the rocks hit, and it was "We have to fix this now, or never cuz we're not going anywhere with our relationship". *Which was true - i felt like shit all the time, and he was constantly in a bad mood because i always was.

I then confronted him of my problem, of how i felt i was competing against "Britney" and how insecure i was about it. *He couldn't believe i had said nothing earlier and then understood why i was like i was. *However, the perving on other chicks thing still became too much for me, particularly cuz we all know men aren't very discreet!

I then had to come to terms that men in general are all jerks to us women, and that's just what we have to live with!

So this is what i did as a relationship and self confidence boost; *I started off by purposely saying to myself in my head "he loves me, i know it, he loves me so much" and it just made me believe it more and more. *When there was a "hot chick" around, and especially if they were going to be around for a while (eg. the train trip home), I made sure i had his full attention and even started raising topics that interested him - not me. *And if a TV ad came on (which are the worst perving targets) with a girl half naked on it, and you just KNOW he's gonna be perving hardcore, i grab my b/f's attention by looking at him straight in the eye and distracting him somehow (by touch or talk), and if he keeps looking away from me to the tv, i have a very quick glance at what he's looking at (even though i already know), and no doubt straight away, he's realised and full attention is on me. *On the way, you have to show your full confidence in you BOTH and smile a lot at him, let him know you're out there, and if he aint careful, another man will sweep you off your feet and take you away. *I'm not saying that that's what's going to happen, AT ALL, cuz that's the last thing i'd want, also! *But make him realise that he's the one that's got way more to lose, and make him realise you are THE ONE and other men would appreciate you just as much. *This was the kind of technique that basically made him realise that i'm tuned on and with the program, so perve in your own time, sweetheart! *This started to ease me down a lot with the whole paranoia thing, and its like now, i can't even be bothered looking. *It's just a chick, he's seen many before, and i'm not going anywhere, especially when he tells me everyday how much he loves me and how he wants to be with me forever. *Hell, we've now got matching tattoo's resembling infinity! (even sweeter - it was his idea and he got his on his heart - awwwww!)

I also started looking and admiring other guys, too. *There's no WAY i have fantisized about any other guy, other than my b/f and that's the truth. *I am a female completely in love and my b/f turns me on like there's no tomorrow. *He's the most gorgeous creature ever created and i'm so glad he's mine! *But in doing so, it made me more confident that there's no need to get so mad, because of my feelings towards looking at men were nothing but just thinking "nice butt" or "nice legs"...but there will never being anything more perfect than my imperfect b/f whom i absolutely adore. *and i'm more than sure after this time and overcoming such horrible experences, he loves me so much. *I know for a fact, that he loves me more than ever before, because confidence is not only on the inside, but it fully glows on the outside, and you'll look more beautiful than ever before.

You have to remember, however, men will be men, and that's all there is to it. *

I'm not sure whether it will work for you or not, i can only hope! *But if you take my advice as far as building your confidence within both yourself alone and your relationship with your b/f goes, using my tips or your own ideas, he will notice an even more beautiful you, and he will never want to leave you.

Just remember:
1 - Keep confident within yourself as a beautiful person
2 - Keep confident within the relationship - your b/f really loves you so much or else he wouldn't still be here. *Think about it over and over. *He loves you!! And the more you glow with confidence, the more beautiful you'll be to him and the happier the BOTH of you will be.
3 - Start doing the same thing and look and ADMIRE at other men. *If you do, you'll grow more confident! *I dunno why this is, however i do know that there's no sexual feeling involved what so ever. *If by one day he just happens to say something, you'll know what to do. *Look proud, sexy (i mean it! even when he's mad, he'll still be falling head over heels for your cheeky smile!!) and say "don't you like me admiring the figures of other men? *You know i love you so much" or if that's not the approach to go (depending on the person he is - you'd know way better than me obviously!) pick another way, but make sure you're in the right and there's no backing or rebutting for him. *If he wants to get really technical, then you get technical too. *
4 - Remember to train yourself for dealing with his absolutely NORMAL actions (looking at other women). *You will sooner than later realise its not that bad, and your b/f loves you so much, and that's why you can also get away with #3, because you then have a bit of fun on your own, knowing where both your feelings belong - TO EACH OTHER!

Good luck Starburst, sorry if i may have come across a bit of blabber, but i really do hope that i've helped you in some way or another. *I hate to see and hear innocent great women like yourself having to deal with pain and depression because of the natural ridcule we all have to put up with! *Once again, i really hope it all goes well for you as it has for me. If not, you know what to do and expect in the future!