Ok, me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 19 months. We were in a long distance relationship for about a year, and towards the end of the long distance part, he started to have doubts. He felt that we weren't as close as we were before, and wondered if things would be the same as they were before when we were together again. This all came out of nowhere, I was completly shocked by it. He told me that he had thoughts of talking to other girls, although he never did. After talking about it, we both thought that it was because we hadn't seen eachother on a day to day basis for a year, and that that could have definatly strained the relationship, being there emotionally for eachother, but not having the fun aspects, like going on dates, and just being with eachother. He said that when he had wanted to hit on another girl, it wasn't specifically about the girl, just the idea of having a normal relationship having that fun and excitement that comes with dating. We've been back in a normal relationship for about two months, and now the problem is I can't get over the things that he said. I mean, hows a girl supposed to react when her boyfriend says "I want to marry you, I love you, you're the girl for me, but maybe we shouldnt' be together now." Everytime we're together, I'm totally happy, and then the thoughts of what he said come creeping up and it just totally depresses me, and I tend to get quiet and don't want to do much, which is completly out of character for me. This ends up getting to him, because he feels there is something wrong, and can't do anything about it. Last night he said that he still feels that way sometimes, that he looks, or in his word "lusts" after girls, and feels bad about it, and wishes he didn't. We're both 19, so is this a combination of his age and just being a guy? I used to be very confident about our relationship and very secure that I didn't have to worry about him wandering, but now it bothers me constantly. I know he would never cheat on me, he tells me that and sincerely means it. The things that I worry about him doing are completly out of character for him, I know he wouldn't ever do them. The problem is now, when he told me how he felt before, I was so caught off guard by it, I feel now that since before I never thought he would feel that way, I dont' know how I can be really sure that he won't do the same again. It's just that I can't get over the idea that at one point he was thinking about hitting on another girl. When I'm with him, I feel like I spend most of the time checking to see if he's checking out other girls and just being paranoid rather than enjoying being with him, and I know that's starting to affect things. I'm worried that if I can't get back the security about our relationship soon, that it will end up driving us apart. Is it normal for guys to check out other girls? He doesn't do it when I'm there, at least I don't see him doing it. I know its unreasonable to ask him not to admire a nice body when he sees one, and it would be unreasonable for him to ask that of me. He says that its just looking at a nice body, rather than thinking the girls hot and wanting to go hit on her. In a long distance relationship, would thoughts of hitting on someone else to gain the excitement of a relationship that's not there because of the distance be normal? Sorry its so long, I'm just so torn apart by this. Please help!
