She doesn't want oral from me

Q. How do I get my Fiancée to be comfortable receiving oral sex from me? She is a bit uncomfortable with her body, but I love her vagina! It is beautiful, it tastes and smells great ... and nothing turns me on more than pleasing her. So my question is how to I get her to let me give her oral sex more often?


A. Sadly, there are countless reasons why women don’t want to receive oral sex. Many of these stem from, but are certainly not restricted to, a negative body image. Unrealistic expectations, disparaging comments, and judgemental attitudes - they are powerful enough to chip away at a woman’s self confidence, and are a breeding ground for insecurities related to her desirability. Furthermore, they constantly call into question whether she is worthy enough to deserve love and attention.

It may be difficult for your fiancée to indulge in pleasurable acts, particularly oral sex. Why? Because many women feel it is more intimate than sexual intercourse. A common perception she may also have fallen victim to is, “It’s dirty down there”. This message can make a woman feel vulnerable, anxious, or ashamed to have you so up close and personal. She may also feel guilty enjoying cunnilingus, feeling like she has to return the favor.

Challenging one’s assumptions and expectations of sex is not easy. However, you can play an important role in her growth. In order for her to experience her full sexual potential, she requires emotional security, and needs to feel loved and accepted; this requires patience and ongoing encouragement on your part. Fortunately for your fiancée you sound like a generous lover, so your positive attitude towards her satisfaction will support her development.

You didn’t mention whether you tell your woman all of the things you adore about her. If you haven’t, it is a great place to start; just remember to do it gently and with moderation. The reason for it is that your positive statements might be so at odds with the poor perception she has of herself that she won’t fully be ready to accept them.

When it comes to Cunnilingus, your fiancée might not be comfortable being ‘in the blow job spotlight’ as the one way recipient of pleasure. Do you think she’d be comfortable receiving manual stimulation using Sex Toys or Fingering? What about mutual Masturbation or 69-ing? Because it will take time for her to get over her inhibitions, these methods may prove to be constructive forms of sexual activity, and are natural ways to transition into oral stimulation.