Why is it so Difficult for Women to G-spot Orgasm?

Elusive G-spot Orgasms

The G-spot is an area of erotic fulfillment that has been masked in ambiguity. It wasn’t until the 1950’s that Ernst Grafenberg published his findings on the existence of this precious nub in an international journal of sex. During the days before the sexual revolution, this discovery generated little interest. Even if his discovery had reached the forefront of attention, the general public considered the subject immodest and unappetizing.

It wasn’t until the 1960’s that people began to rethink their beliefs about sexuality, tossing aside their preconceived notions and redefining codes of sexual behavior. The sexual liberation era primed the public for the next big revelation in women’s pleasure, which came out in a groundbreaking publication in the early 1980’s called “The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries about Human Sexuality”.

The book put forward the following suggestion; not only do women’s sex buttons swell to erection when aroused, they can also gush a female version of seminal fluid - not unlike a man’s ejaculatory reaction to stimulation. What some women had already stumbled upon in their personal erotic exploration, had finally been recognized and given a context. As more attention was paid to the functioning of female ecstasy, it was established that the sexual differences between men and women weren’t so great after all.

However, even with the emergence of well-founded information documenting every corner of feminine sexual gratification, the G-spot still remains misunderstood by both men and women. Despite the sexual liberalisation of western culture, and mass media communicating what appears to be nothing but sex, a sexual dearth continues to exist in the bedroom, where in spite of everything, many women just aren’t able to ascend to their ecstatic G-spot peak.

In simple terms, they just can’t come. The unfortunate part is it isn’t for lack of trying; even a woman’s most earnest desire to embrace her orgasmic potential won’t always tip the scales to her favor. This piece will explore some of the reasons why it is so difficult for women to have a G-spot orgasm. We’ll also discuss a few ways to make her physically and mentally ‘G-spot ready’.

Why is it so Difficult for Women to Come?

Women’s attempts at G-spot Stimulation can be very easily thwarted. Make no mistake; that which many consider to be their female birthright is evasive and can easily be sabotaged, whether it is self induced or contributed to by a less than competent lover.

At the top of the list is a woman’s fear that she’ll accidentally pee on her partner. This is an understandable misconception, since the sensation leading up to having a G-spot orgasm feels very similar to that that of needing to urinate. Another one that is high on the list is the fear that her sexual partner will interpret her ejaculate as urine, and as a result will ‘judge’ her or become repulsed by her. Female ejaculate does indeed contain some proportion of urine, but its overall make-up is something entirely different from urine. See Female Ejaculation for a more thorough analysis.

Some women feel pressure to ejaculate, so as to demonstrate to her partner that she's enjoying the sexual experience. This causes frustration and restriction, the very things that can prevent it from actually happening. It may be so exasperating that she simply resigns herself to the fact that a G-spot orgasm will never be a part of her sexual identity. For others, this stress can manifest as a denial of the actual existence of the female G-spot, which is critically important to accept in order to successfully transcend any psychological and emotional blocks preventing her from getting there.

Another factor that obstructs a female’s satisfaction has to do with her sensual self-image. Embarrassment surrounding the way her body looks, insecurity over her erotic potential, and culturally induced shame of her sexuality are just a few of the chokeholds. These destructive beliefs isolate a woman, preventing her from opening communicating about her body’s natural functions with fellow women.

A damaged self concept also precludes her from feeling free to explore her sexual organs. This is a definitive setback, since masturbation and physical self discovery are fundamental components of her erotic personality. It is a way to ‘self-cultivate’, where a woman can get to know herself sexually, emotionally and physically. Bringing oneself to an Orgasm is an incredible mood booster, stress reliever, and an overall powerful way to meet one’s personal sexual needs.

Sexual trauma of any degree is very destructive to a woman’s sexual identity. A negative sexual experience, where she’s been shamed, taken advantage of, or been made to feel uncomfortable by her partner, can inevitably lead to emotional anguish. The experience may prove very difficult to recover from and, if left to linger, may inadvertently trigger a self-protective mode; this makes it difficult for her to intimately connect to others and embrace her own satisfaction. Thus, fear and sheer nerves make it impossible for her to surrender to such a beautiful form of sensual release.

The next factor has to do with the impact that inconsiderate or immature lovers have on women. She may have been in a sexual relationship with a lover who lacked experience pleasuring women; alternatively, her paramour might have had little understanding of the way a woman’s body functions. Regardless of the specifics, the underlying issue is this - the task of discovering her G-spot can be a challenge in itself, and when a woman doesn’t have confidence in her lover, it can ‘psyche her out’, thus rendering her orgasm passive.

That’s not to say that a woman shouldn’t take responsibility for her pleasure. In fact, she absolutely should. When it’s a matter of her lover’s inexperience, the onus is on her to convey her needs and desires, and guide them in the right direction. If they’re open to suggestions, then she can revel in the delights that open communication offers.

When a lover’s response to guidance is less that accommodating, a woman feels stung, and inadvertently develops a tendency to control her sexual behavior. She reins in her openness, not wanting to feel vulnerable, and suffers from an inability to fully realize climax. If such a state of affairs carries on without improvement, she may lose desire for sex altogether. In point of fact, according to an article in Psychology Today titled “Sex and Your Psyche”, what is perceived as woman’s low libido in a sexual relationship is often a result of hopelessness and complacency.

How to Experience a G-spot Orgasm: The Next Step

When a woman suffers from any impediment to climax, physical, emotional or otherwise, it can damage her notion of sexual interaction. She becomes filled with doubt, and can end up feeling defeated and fatalistic. Fortunately, there are a few conditions that, when suitably combined, improve a woman’s readiness to come.

First, she has to be willing to explore her orgasmic, ejaculatory potential, and this is greatly advanced when her sexual partner welcomes the possibility with enthusiasm and non-judgement. Secondly, having a positive, optimistic attitude correlates highly with a woman actually experiencing it; she has to believe that it is physically possible and that she deserves the opportunity. Last, but certainly not least, combining specific sexual activity with appropriately selected sex positions sets the stage for a pleasurable (and hopefully orgasmic) outcome.

Final Thoughts

This article focuses heavily on reaching orgasm, but we don’t want to give the impression that it is the be-all and end-all of sex. The act of sex accomplishes more than just ejaculatory release; it creates intimacy between sexual partners, provides relief from stress, and bathes the body with feel-good hormones and endorphins.

A recent study conducted by Dr. L.M. Bogart queried the relationship between orgasm and sex, specifically how the lack of orgasm by one or both lovers affected how they define sex. Out of the group of people interviewed, most women still labelled sex as such even though they didn’t orgasm.

The outcome of this study could be indicative of a couple of things. One, it affirms that there is indeed much still lacking when it comes to women being totally satisfied in bed. Second, it emphasises the fact that women can derive benefits from the non-physical benefits of sex, namely that which is intimate and connective, and functions on an emotional, spiritual and psychological plane.