Female Orgasm
Before You Get Started
Some women seem to have an incredibly difficult time reaching orgasm during intercourse; that is if they are able to orgasm at all. The most common reason for this is that they don’t know their own bodies. Society has had this brilliant effect of instilling into our minds from childhood that masturbation is sinful, wrong and dirty. Well, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, but all common sense dictates that this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Thanks to this misconception, many people, especially women, have stopped themselves from learning their bodies, thereby reducing the chances of being able to fully enjoy sex. It is hard for many women to unlearn all that they have been taught, and they often feel that “touching themselves does not bring pleasure”. There is some truth behind that - they are not lying, they do not feel pleasure. However, this is not because there is no pleasure to be felt, just that they have been indirectly taught to not enjoy it. Getting beyond this will take time and patience, so never rush your partner.
If your woman has never had an orgasm (this is often the case if they say, "I think I’ve had one"), you will want to refer to the Female Masturbation Guide to get things started. Learning to please a woman who can’t orgasm on her own is extremely difficult, so we highly suggest that you start with getting her to play with herself, and allow her to learn how her body reacts to different stimulus.
The last note has to do with your approach. Orgasms can’t be forced, and the more pressure you put on her to cum, the less likely it is to happen. Take things slow, learn techniques, experiment with them and find what works. If you start getting frustrated when you aren’t seeing results, it will show, and unfortunately make it even harder. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable - as soon as you make it too serious, it takes away from the pleasure!
About Orgasms
There are two major types of orgasms a women can have - clitoral and G-spot (otherwise known as vaginal orgasms). When masturbating, women usually learn to get themselves off using their clitoris. There is nothing wrong with that, but it leaves the whole world of vaginal orgasms untapped. Many women are unable to climax during intercourse, as they aren't familiar enough with the stimulation to enjoy it to its fullest extent. While you learn to read your partner's body signs, it never hurts to ask a question, especially if you are trying new techniques.
Coitus, commonly known as vaginal sex, can be one of the clumsiest ways to stimulate a woman, if done without thought. While it does provide an atmosphere that can be highly arousing, emotionally satisfying and erotic, the degree of stimulation to the woman's clitoral area is nothing compared to masturbation or cunnilingus. One can incorporate manual stimulation to the clitoris during sex, but this is not very necessary if your woman has had vaginal orgasms in the past, and if you know how to hit the g spot correctly. To learn more about positions and the G-spot, please refer to the G-spot article and Sex Positions section. No one wants to involve geometry into sex, but it is wise to know which positions stimulate the G spot the best. In order to help her achieve a vaginal orgasm, you need to make sure you are "hitting" the G-spot with each stroke.
Many men fantasize about the myth of female ejaculation. Well, for starters, its no myth, most women should theoretically be able to have them. The key is G-spot stimulation, but all of this is also well described in the article on Female Ejaculation.
Some Ideas on Getting Her There:
First of, we would like to remind you to relax, and not to make her orgasm the purpose behind the encounter. The more of a goal you make it; the less likely it is that it will happen. Relax and enjoy yourselves, as that is the most important part.
The Grind
During Intercourse, you want to increase the pressure exerted on the woman's clitoris. This can be accomplished by rotating your hips just like when you are "grinding" on a dance floor. Try to really push against the front of her groin with the area just above the penis. Rocking back and forth or side to side is a really good way of getting started.
Rule of Thumb
With the woman sitting on top, the man should lie flat on his back, pelvic tilted upward, and stomach muscles tightened. You want to arch your hips upwards to improve the quality of “the Grind”; this can be achieved easily by putting a pillow under the man’s bum. He then should put his hand over the woman’s pubic region, and place his thumb on the woman’s clitoris. While the woman is riding her partner, he can simultaneously stimulate her clitoris.
T Position
With the woman lying on her back, the man should lie perpendicularly (i.e., at a right angle to her, thus forming the ‘T’), while straddling the woman’s far leg. Depending on the woman’s flexibility, this can be a great position for deep penetration, while exposing the clitoris for manual stimulation. This double stimulation is very gratifying and can often lead to the big “O” really quickly.
The Maximizer
The woman lies on her back, legs tightly held together. The man lies on top, or stands/kneels, in front. Instead of being directly in line with her, the man should be at a slight diagonal. Both of her legs should be over one shoulder, or on one side, of his body; he should begin penetration. This position is designed to maximize female clitoral stimulation and is easiest to perform with the man standing or kneeling (i.e. the woman should have her legs hanging off a counter, couch or bed).
Using Sex Toys
Sex toys can be used in virtually any sexual position, and thanks to the creative people who design toys, if you can think of a toy, chances are its already made. If you have never used one, you can read our comprehensive section on buying and using Sex Toys. Then visit our online store to find products designed to increase stimulation during intercourse or masturbation. The following is a summary of some of the most popular types of toys:
Vibrating Clitoral Suckers
This class of products works as follows: put the cup part of the toy over the clitoral area, squeeze the pump a couple times to build up some suction, then turn on the vibrating egg, which is generally attached to the cup. The suction is great because it draws more blood to the clitoris, making it more sensitive, as well as it keeps the toy hands free. It can be used during intercourse to add incredible sensations, but some varieties may prove a little bulky for some positions.
Regular Vibrators
For those of you who are looking for something with a little more functionality, we recommend getting a regular vibrator. The can be held in place during intercourse to stimulate whatever you want, they can be inserted anally, and can be used on their own as well. They are available in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and purposes.
Vibrating Cock Rings
This class of products is ingenious! The toy is basically a ring with one or more vibrating eggs attached. Simply slide it down the shaft of the penis, turn on the vibrating eggs, and voila, super pleasure for both parties.
Play O (UTOPIA) Orgasmic Gel by Durex
Try Play O ... it is an unscented gel to be applied to the cllitoris and surrounding area. It uses a combination of ingredients designed to stimulate, increase desire and bring intense orgasms. We rated it a 8.5/10! Click here to check out our detailed review.
I have had both kinds of orgasms. Mostly the clitoral and the G-spot one is harder to acheive, but awesome when you do (my experience only with someone i had a committed relationship and trusted and loved)
I wanted to share for the girls who have a hard time with masterbation. I too was afraid of touching myself and I never even thought once about trying to or experimenting. I was in the bath once and shaving my legs and also shaving my pubes completely to soft and smooth. I have an attached shower head that can me used with multiple spray options. i happen to be washing myself and felt how good it was spraying around my vagina. That is when I experimented a bit and the next thing I know I orgasmed. Since then I play with myself from time to time. I think knowing your sexuality is important and you know what you like without having to experiment with guys. No harm whatsoever and nobody really needs to know - that is your privacy.
Ok
How do u know if you have reached an orgasm? Is there a way to tell and does it hurt? Please help me!!!!!!!!
with a clitoral orgasm the clit gets really sensitive then when you climax your muscles will start twitching. You'll know you had an orgasm when your muscles twitch involuntarily.
its great
Me and my boyfriend are both fifteen and have been having sex consistently for about 6 months (we've been dating for a year and a half) and i have never orgasmed. He's only eaten me out a couple of times and only for very short periods of time. any pointers to help? and secret positions? i feel like ive gotten close a few times but never came. i dont want my bf to feel bad, is there anything we can do? i've heard that the first one is the hardest is this true? guys and girls feel free to respond!
I think you should probably first try to reach an orgasm alone without your bf... You should first know your body very well and then try to have the best feelings with your bf... In my opinion if you don't know how you can please yourself alone, then you can't please yourself easily with a guy!
at 15 it might b hard to find exactly what will make u orgasm its def gonna take some experimenting...you might wanna try letting him rub you body and you chills while he does it sometimes that helps to turn you on
i can only orgasam during oral and my husband doesnt seem to want to "go down south" much unless its with his hand or dick. and i have explained the situation and still he only does it maybe once or twice a month. i am extremely sexualy frustrated frm lack of orgasam, what can i do?
Me n my bf havee been together for 5 yearss and have had sex numerous of times , he is over 8 inches but I have never once experienced an orgasm even when I try to finger my self , and im afraid to explore my g spot can somee onee give mee some advice
Try different toys..
they have lubes at most drug stores tht heighten pleasure and sensitiity....
hi, i have had sex but i can never reach orgasm with a guy yet i can when i finger myself and also when i use a vibrator why is this?
HELP!!!!!!!!!
Cum. How can you tell if you have or not? ( girls)
I don't care if guys answer this I just need an answer
Thanks
Katy
My boyfriend was the one who identified my orgasm. Lol... I knew it felt (oh my gosh) so awesome but I didn't know that's what was happening! He kept asking me "what was that?" But I never knew how to answer that question. Then next thing I knew I was squirting and messing up the couch. So you're probably having small orgasms. Just keep working at it. Switch up just slightly in some positions just to get a better angle. He's found a few hidden areas in me.
You would know if you have its the nicest feeling your body can ever have.
i believe that making the girl come first is my main prioraty, because do that and she will be wanting more ;D .
I have only every been able to bring myself to orgasm with my vibrator or by rubbing against something (like a pillow), never with my fingers. I have gotten very close but have never been able to get all the way there. I have also never been able to orgasm with a guy period. When I'm having sex with my current guy, I often get very very close but come short of achieving orgasm. Could my use of a vibrator be hindering my ability to experience pleasure without it? I have been using a vibrator for about 2 years now.
damn thats a trip :/. you area missing out on the intercourse pleassure
i'm a 18 year old virgin guy. ok i know not allfemales can orgasm during sex. but when females do, does the feel any difference in the way the vagina feels?
ive never had an orgasm before and im not to sure how to get there......i dont really like to do the work myself its not really my thing....how can i achive an orgasm if i dont know what i like??
i was the same way i didnt like to touch my self but i started by taking a hot bath and then moved on to the room were i had candles and soft music and touched alitttle it took a while but it worked and if u dont like using ur hands use a toy hehe
Girl that's the fun part. Finding out what you like. Since you have nothing to focus on but yourself the possibilities are endless. whind up on the floor if it feels right. Have fun with it! Explore and enjoy :)
I think that the best way to find out what you need to reach orgasm is to touch yourself without a guy around. Not only will it help you learn what type of stimulation you need but it will help you get comfortable with your body and your sexuality.
I suggest you start with stimulating your clitoris to orgasm. This site talks a lot about vaginal orgasms and the G spot and it's certainly worth exploring but in my experience vaginal orgasms are rare. My friends and I have talked a lot about it and none of us have been able to find any G spot and we all agree that vaginal orgasms are rare.
So me and my "friend" have been having sex for about a year, and i don't know if it's me, but my drive is really high, and i can go for a while, and all i need at the most is 5mins and im ready again. the only problem is he doesn't last that long, and he has tried to pleasure me, but it just doesn't really work for me. Its like when i pleasure myself i can get myself to an orgasm faster than he can. The only time he has ever made me have one was when we decided to try out the new Fire and Ice condoms. So is there something wrong with me, or is it him?
hmm . this is tricky .
it migt be him , or you dont get so turned on with him as much when you are by yourself .
I think you're lucky, undercoverfreak, in that you can give yourself orgasms. Manual stimulation doesn't really work for me (I do feel some pleasure, but no orgasm) unless it's my partner's hand doing it. I wish I could make myself orgasm but have been trying for years, have read books on it, talked about it with a therapist, and nothing. Very frustrating.
I don't believe there's anything wrong with either of you. People always want to jump to something being "wrong" when sometimes it's just that you're different. It takes a guy longer to get ready to go again so give him a break.
As far as him being able to give you an orgasm you may just be conditioned to your touch. Stop masturbating for a few weeks and just let him touch you. Before penetration have him stimulate you manually or orally and just relax and get into it. Don't worry about how fast it's happening and just let it happen.
Having an orgasm from penetration alone is fairly uncommon and I think the constant search for that type of orgasm causes a lot of frustration among couples that isn't necessary. I'm not saying don't try for it but if it doesn't happen don't stress.
If you or he is manually stimulating your clitoris at the same time, does that help? What about if he's sucking your nipples at the same time (e.g. in Reverse Missionary)?
I know what it's like to worry about "taking too long", it can be very difficult if you've been taught all your life that you don't deserve pleasure. Some people unfortunately get very thoroughly brainwashed during childhood and it can be very, very difficult to unlearn, even after years of working on it.
im still a virgin so i just wanna know what an orgasm feels like. could you share?
its really hard to describe. the best way to find out is to pleasure yourself. theres all kinds of tips under masturbation. hope this helps.
seriously i need help
It depends on the woman and the circumstances. No woman will have the exact same experience.
ive never had an orgasm with my bf i can only cum if i use a vibrator or in the bath with the warm water.
when ever we have sex i cant feel nothing at all i can feel that hes inside me but i dont feel any pleasure i fake it everytime and he asks me "did you cum" and i say "yesss!"
what do i do ??
some one help pleez why cant i fell plesure with dick
The vagina has relatively few nerve endings in it so having an orgasm during penetration is not common at all. Most women have orgasms from clitoral stimulation which doesn't happen a lot during penetration.
The outside of your lady bits have literally thousands of nerve endings, especially the clitoris. It is essentially a small bundle of thousands of nerve endings in one little spot. It's only reason for existing is to give women sexual pleasure.
Would anyone expect a man to have an orgasm without any stimulation to the head of his penis? No but everyone seems to expect women to have an orgasm without any stimulation to her clitoris. It's ridiculous!
STOP faking orgasms immediately! As long as he thinks he's giving you an orgasm he isn't going to try anything different. Have him manually or orally stimulate the entire outer part of your pussy before penetration. Also, don't use the vibrator to much because you could become so used to the vibes that a normal touch of finger or tongue isn't enough to make you cum. Try making yourself come from just touch instead of using the vibe.
amiboo, I am so with you on this! About expecting women to have orgasms without any clitoral stimulation - most heterosexual sex portrayed in movies and tv shows *no* clitoral stimulation - no wonder kids (and far too many adults) don't know this simple fact. And yet the data from studies done on it is overwhelming. (this annoys me a lot! the stupid media. grrrr.)
I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. I've tried everything: vibrators, clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation, and even my boyfriend can't get me there when he fingers me. He make's me moan, sure, but I've never orgasmed. When I masturbate really intensely, my vag contracts but either I stop or pause then keep going, but i never get farther than my muscles tightening up. It makes my sexual experience not very fun. My boyfriend and I have decided to have sex for the first time soon, and i'm wondering if that will do the trick? And any tips for reaching orgasm?
I know what you're saying, Fallingice13 (I hope that's not your age, by the way!). I don't have orgasms easily, I'm not totally sure I've ever had a "proper" one.
But have you tried him playing with your breasts (including orally) while manually stimulating your clitoral area? This is a combo that gets me extremely excited, and I think I've had orgasms from this, combined with penetration (though amiboo is right when she says that you're unlikely to orgasm from penetration itself).
No, if you've never had sex from any other stimulation, penetration isn't going to make you orgasm. Most of your orgasms will come from clitoral stimulation and not your g spot.
I feel that reaching orgasm is as much do to with your mind as it does with your body. Just as guys will use thoughts of their granma naked or baseball to hold off an orgasm you can use a fantasy or other sexual images to help yourself reach orgasm.
Try masturbating with clitoral stimulation and run a good fantasy thru your head. Relax and don't worry about how long it takes or that you haven't orgasm'd before. Relaxing and not worrying is essential as well. Personally I like to some erotic talk as well. It really turns me on.
I am a guy and this is for you girls, I am only 14 so the farthest I have ever been is a handjob by my ex and I recently fingered my new girlfriend. But that's beside the point. In porn vids I think it is SO SEXY when girls curl their toes when they orgasm! So when you orgasm curl your toes!!! Your boyfriends will thank you for it!!! Your welcome!
Oh 14andproud, if you expect real women to act like porn actresses you are in for a lifetime of disappointment. It will really benefit you to learn the difference between fakeness and reality. (Also, when I have sex, my partner is rarely looking at my toes.)
You're welcome too :p
Don't believe everything you see in porn. They're actors and for the most part it's all faked. When a woman is experiencing an actual real life orgasm she is beyond being able to think about whether or not her toes are curling.
Hi, Ive been with my boyfriend for a while now, and we had sex for the first time. We went out before having sex and bought condoms/vibrator. We had alot of four play, and we had sex, i didnt reach orgasum but he did. Is it normal for me not to reach orgasum having sex for the first time? He didnt go "on the way in" but far enough for me to feel it.
Thanks
Olivia
Hey olivia2010, Yes it's totally normal. It's your first time, you were probably too distracted by that fact. Take it easy on yourself, don't worry, you'll probably be orgasming during sex in no time. :)
well from what most of my girlfriends have told me, they didn't orgasm the first time they had sex. I think it all depends on the mood your in, the way ur man moves, and the foreplay... I'm a guy and I rarely get off anymore when having sex because of stress and distractions... it really helps to clear your mind and concentrate on what feels good. also a guy won't know if you like it if you don't tell him. =/ so tell him what you like or wanna try. even if it sounds weird. chances are he want's to do it too.
its perfectly normal! iv been having sex for awhile now but it was only recently since i got with my new partner that i actually had a orgasm!
so it may be awhile before you do, but trust me, when you reach that climax it is truley something else! (i would also suggest you try some of the positions, they work wonders!)
I have been sexually active for two years now, and I can only orgasm when I'm on top riding him. Usually I ride him until I climax and then he'd do me until he orgasms. Only sometimes we climax together. Is this abnormal? I really want him to satisfy me.
I suspect that you are climaxing in the cowgirl position because it allows for your clit to rub against his pelvic area better than most guy on top positions do.
Reaching orgasm during penetration without any clitoral stimulation is fairly rare so nothing at all is abnormal.
Have him satisfy you manually or orally before penetration. Once you've reached your orgasm you will be so ready for penetration that you'll be begging for it. Just because it doesn't make you cum doesn't mean that it isn't great.
I love feeling myself up so much that I get an orgasm. I just got done masterbating and I had an orgasm and ejaculated. Felt really good and loved it!!! ;)
so my mother asked me the other day as i have been spending a very long time with her as she has lost her voice. she being a single mother for 18 years now she has talked to us about sexual activity and she knows me and my other 2 sisters have had sex multiple times with the same partner well for me at least. but one day we were shopping as a girls treat type of thing and me and my sisters started to talk about the BIG O and who holds the record of the most at one time which is me at 6! :) but my mother and i were watching a old movie just us and she wrote on a pen and paper for me to explain how an Orgasm feels. i tried to explain it to her but she still seemed confused. i told her its 30X better than dark choclate, its a toe curling tinkling feeling that rushes through your body, you have the wonderland feeling in your head, and that turned me on enough to start to moan like i do at that moment but then quickly realized im doing this infront of my MOTHER. so i said i dont know how to explain it any better and that i would find a better way later. so im asking for help cause im stumped!
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