Phone sex is probably one of the more common 'alternative' types of sexual encounter. Both men and women of many different ages have tried it, but many of us get their first taste of it at a young age, often when at a distance from a partner, keeping in touch by phone.
Phone sex is a fairly ‘safe’ style of alternative sexual contact, as there is no physical risk at all, except for what you do to yourself. Phone sex basically amounts to Masturbation while talking to someone on the phone. Of course there is a small risk of having your feelings hurt if someone embarrasses you, but this only usually happens with people you don’t know. Most of us perform phone sex with a known partner, so it’s basically risk free.
Some people find phone sex easier than actual sex. One reason for this might be that, for folks who are a little sensitive or self conscious, it allows them to avoid embarrassment. Others like the fantasy or Role Playing aspect, where they can imagine the erotic details themselves and set up the perfect sexual fantasy. No matter what the reason, there is much you can do when your partner is unseen.
What you can do when you’re having phone sex is limited only to your imagination. Most people appear to feel that the more creative you get, the better the sex. You could be in any room, doing anything. If you have a cordless hands-free phone, your options multiply. One word of caution – avoid the bathtub. We all know electricity and water don’t mix. As with any form of sex, as long as nobody gets hurt and everything is agreed to, anything goes.
What is important from the start when having phone sex with a partner that you’ve known for a while is to learn each others ‘comfort zones’. What are you comfortable with, and what is a little ‘out there’ for you. Discuss it before hand, and get a little idea of what each of you might like or dislike. Knowing this can make all the difference in the quality of your next encounters.
Although most people think of phone sex as being a 'guy thing', especially with the way phone sex ads are set up most of the time, its interesting to find that many women enjoy good phone sex as well.
What is ‘good’ phone sex? It is individual for each person, but the gender difference appears to be that while most men enjoy the sound of a woman getting off, making moaning and other sounds of pleasure, women appear to like the psychological element of fantasy with their phone sex partners. But again, it really is a personal choice.
One big question for many people is "How do I bring it up with my partner?" - especially when they are unsure of whether their partner would be interested. To start with, it should be mentioned as casually as possible. Most people are at least a little nervous about talking about sexual preferences with new partners, or even established ones. It's something to try when the subject of sex is already on the table.
For example, when one partner is going away and someone says ‘I guess we’d better find ways to please ourselves for a while…” you have a great lead in. The important thing is to go into it when the subject of sex is already naturally there. If you don't try to force it, things should flow more naturally.
Of course, you don’t have to wait for your partner to go far away before you try out phone sex! Try it as a new twist for someone close by. Phone sex makes a great early experiment for couples looking into new ideas.
Icebreakers are a big key. Once you get the ball rolling, the rest tends to follow pretty naturally. You might start by gently describing what you want to do to partner. "You know what’s really nice? When a (woman/man)..." Some people use humor – "If you were here, I'd slap you on the ass and say..." or "I’d slap you on the ass and call you my little..." You fill in the blanks with what sounds good to you. Just think of how you can make a gentle sexy comment to test the waters and let things go from there. Check out our articles on Dirty Talk - Basics and Advanced - for ideas of how you can get this going, or enhance your exisitng repertoire!
With all this talk about phone sex, there ought to be at least a mention of paid phone sex lines. Yes, paid phone sex can be highly erotic. It’s the reason these lines of lines are so popular – a lot of people enjoy them. The biggest advantage here is that you don't have to prepare to talk to someone, or break the ice. You get on the line, and they’re ready to go. This might be an option for people wanting to get the flavor of phone sex without the risk of being turned down. It’s also one way of getting to know if phone sex is 'your kind of thing', and whether phone sex with an established partner is possible and enjoyable for you.
The downside is, of course, the cost. Paid phone sex is expensive. And there is the added disadvantage of the few 'bad apples' that will overcharge and charge for services you didn’t want. You can avoid a lot of this by going with some of the bigger, more established lines. Looking for names of companies that have been around for a while can help you get the most for your money here.
Overall, phone sex can be a great addition to your sexual repertoire, with lots of positives and very few negatives compared to some other types of alternative sex. If you haven’t done so already, give it a try!