Q. I love being with women sexually and emotionally, but the feeling of being penetrated by another man or giving him oral feels so good. My only interest in men is the penis, and the large ones make me hottest. There is no other physical or emotional attraction, just the penis. I'm not sure why or what that means about my sexuality. I can't be the only one can I? Any chance you can help?
A. It could very well be that you're into women both physically and emotionally - and men, only physically; but haven't you ever considered the possibility of going all the way with another guy, relationship and all? Many individuals struggle with issues of self-image and Self-esteem, spending enormous amounts of time and emotional energy trying to become something they're not, rather than figuring out who they actually are; and it sounds like you're struggling with the very same thing.
A lot of people feel that their sexual behavior has to conform to a set of norms that their community or peers dictate. Some pretend to act ‘normal’ - or rather, what they think normal is supposed to be - and in denying their true needs and desires, they end up in a constant struggle with themselves. But the truth of the matter is that anyone who professes there is only one kind of acceptable norm, probably doesn't know what it's like to want acceptance but be denied for being who they are. Your particular makeup may not be like your next door neighbors, but you're definitely not "the only one" that feels the way you do.
Instead of succumbing to the pressure of assuming a role or sexual identity you're uncomfortable with, why not embrace who you really are - or at the very least, get a sense of who it is you're working with?
By allowing yourself the opportunity to explore the vast possibilities your sexuality has to offer, you'll be more apt to uncover more about who you're attracted to, to what extent, and why. You're also likely to meet people who can shed some light on the feelings you're experiencing and provide support for the mixed emotions you're feeling. Check out Sexual Orientation for more.
There's nothing wrong with being straight, gay, bi or whatever. There is also nothing wrong with being unclear about your sexual orientation. You ultimately decide what is best for you, whether that's being with men, women - or both, but you have to be the one that's comfortable with it. Let yourself live openly and with dignity; the more you allow yourself to live without the burden of secrecy, the more liberated and more ‘yourself’ you will feel.