Hi there and welcome!

There are several threads considering anal play/sex with tons of info. Hope this helps answering your question:
-http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-him/11220-anal-101-a-25.html with pages of opinions
-http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/pleasing-him/19950-playing-ball-how-tips... tutorial for people interested in and concerned about the how-to of Anal stimulation as well as play (not just for men)
-http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/sex-toys-products/28800-dildos-human-anu... on the risk of anal penetration

I myself love anal stimulation. He mentioned it once or twice; how some people get extreme orgasms out of it. And joked how in some position the other hole would probably fit better for us. This got me thinking... I took the initiative later on asking about his experience and wishes. He has had anal sex with a former gf once; he liked the special tight feeling. Though she liked trying it, she didn't like doing it, ergo the one time thing. But since I'm of the highly sensitive type, I might like it... That appears to be true :o

Before trying anything I gathered all the info (in part via sites as mentioned above). Then, I started integrating some anal play while masturbating in privacy and loved it. I had the most memorable orgasm in my life while he anally fingered me for the first time. If it were up to me, we'd be experimenting, but he's too tired to have sex, let alone try out new things... So I'm entertaining myself in the meanwhile and just being patient... :)

O, and probably should mention: I have asked him if he'd try too, so we could find out our (dis)likes together. Sadly, my bf is incapable of anal play, because of a medical condition. He feels that it's a shame he's missing out on experimenting with it. As in fact: there's a bigger chance a man loves anal penetration than a woman would, since physically the guy is the one with a P-spot. If you haven't tried it yet, I'd advice you to try it. As it could be highly pleasurable to you and it's a nice way to explore the pleasure of this area together! :)

Our opinions don't matter, only your partner's opinions count. This is one subject that your partner is either going to be accomadating or she's going to shut you down fast and no one, not even you, can't predict what her reaction is going to be. If you choose to broach that subject with her there are plenty of people who can assist you with that discussion. Her innitial reaction should give you some clue as to what her true feelings on the subject are and whether or not you have any chance.
Personally for me, it's not something I have any interest in what so ever in either direction. Butts and the anal orifice is not for sexual exploitation and misuse and it's never going to offered or included in my sexual encounters. No amount of exploration, no amount pressure and coercion, or the fear that he'll leave me for some ass will ever make me change my mind. Anal is my deal breaker and my partner has the same perogative as I do to establish boundaries and deal breakers. If anal is important to my partner, then he's got a decision to make about his future because loving me and sharing a life with me means that my he accepts my boundaries and can remain happy and not become resentful over time.

[quote]Our opinions don't matter, only your partner's opinions count.[/quote]
LustyLisa, you're absolutely right! Just thought sharing how my bf brought the subject to my attention, might give a clue of how to :) Cause in fact: my bf never asked me to do it, just got me curious. In a relationship communication is the key. Lisa is right about spotting on the first reaction. And when she decides it's a big no, it's NO. If she decides to try, but wants to stop, it's STOP. She may not want to take anal play up to anal sex. You just need to accept your partner's boundaries. Whatever you do, don't push! We've had enough of those nagging toddlers that call themselves "adults" on this forum ;) O, and just to get things straight; that previous relationship of my bf did not end over anal sex.

Good luck, Bullseye! :)

Anal play, as in fingering or light stimulation, I'd like. But I'd assume the only reason he's interested in anal play is because he wants anal sex, which means he's not touching me ever. So that's probably not going to happen. A lot of women can sense the subtext. There are exceptions of course. But most of the guys that come here just want another hole for their penis, and anal play is merely the prelude to it for them. You could get some really different, strong reactions when you bring this up to your gf. I will immediately shut the guy down and the potential for a sexual partnership (even without) is gone. But that's me personally and I would do so because the reasons I don't like anal have more to do with the man's attitude and psyche(which will always be present) than the act itself. I'm not interested in breastfeeding a guy while he pees in a diaper, but I wouldn't kick him to the curb over it. Sure, I think it's weird, but I've never heard of that kind of guy expecting or demanding anything from a woman.

So to answer your question: Hell no. They're all cons. But your gf's opinion is the only one that really matters.. Honestly, I'd be careful to bring it up. Ask her what her fantasies are. If anal is one of them, then it's a safe subject. If not...you should still ask. Better to find out now than later if this is a big issue.

Nice thread

Hello how u guys doing ? I asked myself that same question if I should bring it up to my gf! So one day we just decided to talk about our sex life and things she enjoyed and didn't enjoy and I asked what are things she would like to do and things she wouldn't. And anal sex came up and she said I would never do it so I respected that and never did it and one day by mistake I rubbed her anus with a finger and I stopped and didn't think anything of it! One day she tells me she enjoyed the rubbing so I start to rub her anus and she tells me to do it so and gentle and I did! So I think some woman can do it right away and some take a while to break them in so hopefully she will let me continue and maybe take it tothe nex level!!! So just be patient and hopefully the topic will come up kn it's self

[QUOTE=ravishing;258813]Anal play, as in fingering or light stimulation, I'd like. But I'd assume the only reason he's interested in anal play is because he wants anal sex, which means he's not touching me ever. [/quote]
Let me get this straight: you are afraid that if you'd tell your guy about how you'd like some anal stimulation, he'd immediately want anal sex, even if you'd make very clear you don't want to? Why would you assume that? Are you in a relationship now, dear Ravishing, or was your reply purely hypthetical?

Whenever a person says A that does not necessarily mean B, C, all the way up to Z. Put otherwise: when you say A that does not automatically add up to "nal sex", just as B does not immediately get a J with it. Giving a bj should not automatically lead to face f*ck. Etcetera, etcetera... Heard a good explanation once: when you assume, you make an ASS out of both U and ME.

I'd say that in a relationship it's about the keywords: communication, trust, respect. If you're not able to tell your man what you'd like him to do, you're probably not trusting him. Or iow: afraid he won't respect your boundaries. That's not a good foundation...

[QUOTE=ravishing;258813]So that's probably not going to happen. (...) I will immediately shut the guy down and the potential for a sexual partnership (even without) is gone. But that's me personally and I would do so because the reasons I don't like anal have more to do with the man's attitude and psyche(which will always be present) than the act itself.[/quote]
What does a preference for anal tell about the man's attitude and psyche? No pun intended! I'm really curious...

[QUOTE=ravishing;258813]I'm not interested in breastfeeding a guy while he pees in a diaper, but I wouldn't kick him to the curb over it. Sure, I think it's weird, but I've never heard of that kind of guy expecting or demanding anything from a woman. [/QUOTE]
I wouldn't be too sure of that... I'd say it's all about the kind off man and how demanding he is when it comes to his wishes, not the preference itself...

I would have to agree with RED ROSES there's gotta be communication and respect!!! With my gf she told me even before I asked and she was clear about it and now lately she tells me to rub her anus but not to stick anything in so if that pleases her than that's what I will have to do.

It's only my opinion - utterly revolting. I'm intrigued at people who want to stick their cock in a tube of shit and then say a woman with underarm hair is "gross". I suspect there's an infantile trend in sex - women with shaved genitalia, baby-faces, confusion of erotic and excretory functions. If you enjoy it, go ahead, but not near me please.

[QUOTE=RedRoses;258975]Let me get this straight: you are afraid that if you'd tell your guy about how you'd like some anal stimulation, he'd immediately want anal sex, even if you'd make very clear you don't want to? Why would you assume that? Are you in a relationship now, dear Ravishing, or was your reply purely hypthetical?

Whenever a person says A that does not necessarily mean B, C, all the way up to Z. Put otherwise: when you say A that does not automatically add up to "nal sex", just as B does not immediately get a J with it. Giving a bj should not automatically lead to face f*ck. Etcetera, etcetera... Heard a good explanation once: when you assume, you make an ASS out of both U and ME.

I'd say that in a relationship it's about the keywords: communication, trust, respect. If you're not able to tell your man what you'd like him to do, you're probably not trusting him. Or iow: afraid he won't respect your boundaries. That's not a good foundation...

What does a preference for anal tell about the man's attitude and psyche? No pun intended! I'm really curious...

I wouldn't be too sure of that... I'd say it's all about the kind off man and how demanding he is when it comes to his wishes, not the preference itself...[/QUOTE]

I'm not afraid of anything. I just make these statements based off a lot of men talking about anal sex, including on this forum. Take H11Diaz as a perfect example. He says his girlfriend never wants to participate in anal sex. Then he goes on to say he rubbed her there (anal stimulation that I say I would like), she liked it, and he "hopes he can take it to the next level". And that "maybe you have to break the girl in before she likes it". My issue is not that I'm afraid someone would pressure me or use my desire for anal stimulation to pressure me. It's just the fact of the matter - when guys inquire about anal play, they ultimately mean anal sex. They are not going to orgasm from fingering your anus. So while they may think it's nice, it's not what they're really after. Having two fingers in there does not equal having a penis in there. They know that they'll have to work their way towards that with fingers though. I promise, to most guys, fingering a girl's anus is merely the stepping stone to their penis. So, if a guy offered me anal stimulation, I'd be turned off by the likely reality that he would like anal sex. (Even if he agreed that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do and put no pressure on me at all, his desire for it still bothers me. Does that make more sense?)

About the comparison to the diaper fetish...Fetishes are mental, psychological. Personality aspects, life experiences, and society's influence can affect your sexual desires, fetish or otherwise. The diaper fetish is usually about two things - sexual excitement from being cared for by a mother figure, even going as far as incestual fantasies....or sexual excitement from being degraded. Sometimes both. A man that gets sexual gratification from being degraded by women is much less likely to hold the view that men are superior to women than a man that gets sexual gratification from degrading a woman.

The attitudes about anal sex...You've said you don't like porn because it often shows aggressive behavior and the women's pleasure seems to be either fake or doesn't seem to even be a goal. Right? It's no secret that anal sex is popular in porn - increasingly so (Thereby becoming more popular in actual life because men imitate and learn from porn). First, let me ask you..Do you think it's a coincidence that anal is so popular in porn despite it being the least desired sex act among the vast majority of women on the planet? That is the question required to really tell you why I have such a problem with it.

Thank you for your response, dear Ravishing.
[quote]A man that gets sexual gratification from being degraded by women is much less likely to hold the view that men are superior to women than a man that gets sexual gratification from degrading a woman. [/quote]

By that you say that anal sex is degrading(?) From my point of view, it's not the act itself that is. It's the attitude that goes with it. If you base the views of anal sex on the standard pornography, it is degrading. But any form of sex is in those movies... So it's not the act itself, it's the agressive attitude they do it with that makes it degrading. My bf and I can have very passionate and loving sex using the same positions as pornstars do, but I do not feel degraded... Does that make sense?

[quote]Do you think it's a coincidence that anal is so popular in porn despite it being the least desired sex act among the vast majority of women on the planet? [/quote]
I wouldn't know... I do not understand pornography or why it attracts so many. I'd say it's about the 'edge' or taboo. You will not find many women who'd like to have their vagina's or throats abused the way they do in porn.... My bf is the most loving, kind and compassionate man, also while having sex. And he likes watching porn from time to time. Maybe it's the same as how some really cute and peaceloving guys play does awfully aggressive videogames? Or those who like horror-movies? It's a fantasy; they will never shoot or mutilate a (wo)man in real life.

There is a problem with pornography opposed to those videogames and movies, and that is: at times it is the only example set for how "real life" should be. That's why I'm so very much in favor of good sexual education!

[quote]It's just the fact of the matter - when guys inquire about anal play, they ultimately mean anal sex. They are not going to orgasm from fingering your anus. So while they may think it's nice, it's not what they're really after. Having two fingers in there does not equal having a penis in there.[/quote]

I do know there is a whole bunch of nagging toddlers that call themselves "adults" on this forum. And I must admit I've seen more men than women acting so... Demanding for deep throats, demanding to come in her mouth or on her face, demanding for anal sex... :( Perhaps there is a dominating nature more present in the male half of our species; hormones and their common functions or side-effects appear to support this, as do the statistics on aggressive behavior... Yet: certainly not all men should be regarded as aggressive dominating sexual predators! In fact: it's usually a minority that spoils it for the rest of us...

And: I do think there is a lot of pleasure for a man in stimulating a woman, also with the sorts of stimulation that does not lead him to orgasm spontaneously. Men like seeing women orgasm. A man loves "giving" that to his girl. We see that on this forum too! :) Personally, my bf did nothing but giving me pleasure for the first 3 months. I was intoxicated by his caress and wasn't able to give him any pleasure in return. He often was very close to orgasm himself and finished masturbating. Whenever I felt guilty for my lack of attention for him, all he'd say was: "but baby, this feels soooo good to me too!"

What I'm trying to say is; men can certainly derive pleasure from pleasing!

So in my opinion; there is no need to hold back on telling about your preferences in a relationship. All it takes is trust, respect and communication....

You just have to be open about it and respect the fact that if she doesn't want to do it than don't do it if she wants just a little rub then just give her a little rub!!! U have to respect what she does and doesn't like. And if u have to wait a year or 2 till she is comfortable to do it than your going to have to wait. And if she only like certain things done that just stick to that and make sure to take baby steps because if u rush it I don't think she isn't going to enjoy it!!

[QUOTE=RedRoses;259030]Thank you for your response, dear Ravishing.

By that you say that anal sex is degrading(?) From my point of view, it's not the act itself that is. It's the attitude that goes with it. If you base the views of anal sex on the standard pornography, it is degrading. But any form of sex is in those movies... So it's not the act itself, it's the agressive attitude they do it with that makes it degrading. My bf and I can have very passionate and loving sex using the same positions as pornstars do, but I do not feel degraded... Does that make sense?

I wouldn't know... I do not understand pornography or why it attracts so many. I'd say it's about the 'edge' or taboo. You will not find many women who'd like to have their vagina's or throats abused the way they do in porn.... My bf is the most loving, kind and compassionate man, also while having sex. And he likes watching porn from time to time. Maybe it's the same as how some really cute and peaceloving guys play does awfully aggressive videogames? Or those who like horror-movies? It's a fantasy; they will never shoot or mutilate a (wo)man in real life.

There is a problem with pornography opposed to those videogames and movies, and that is: at times it is the only example set for how "real life" should be. That's why I'm so very much in favor of good sexual education!

I do know there is a whole bunch of nagging toddlers that call themselves "adults" on this forum. And I must admit I've seen more men than women acting so... Demanding for deep throats, demanding to come in her mouth or on her face, demanding for anal sex... :( Perhaps there is a dominating nature more present in the male half of our species; hormones and their common functions or side-effects appear to support this, as do the statistics on aggressive behavior... Yet: certainly not all men should be regarded as aggressive dominating sexual predators! In fact: it's usually a minority that spoils it for the rest of us...

And: I do think there is a lot of pleasure for a man in stimulating a woman, also with the sorts of stimulation that does not lead him to orgasm spontaneously. Men like seeing women orgasm. A man loves "giving" that to his girl. We see that on this forum too! :) Personally, my bf did nothing but giving me pleasure for the first 3 months. I was intoxicated by his caress and wasn't able to give him any pleasure in return. He often was very close to orgasm himself and finished masturbating. Whenever I felt guilty for my lack of attention for him, all he'd say was: "but baby, this feels soooo good to me too!"

What I'm trying to say is; men can certainly derive pleasure from pleasing!

So in my opinion; there is no need to hold back on telling about your preferences in a relationship. All it takes is trust, respect and communication....[/QUOTE]

I don't know if it could be because there is a slight language barrier, but you are still misunderstanding me. I don't think anal sex, the act itself, is degrading. If I did, then I wouldn't encourage homosexuals to engage in it either. I'm glad that you have such a loving and compassionate boyfriend and you don't seem to be exposed too much to male supremacy. Unfortunately, that is not the case for many women. Most heterosexual men's attitudes about anal sex ARE degrading and most men learn these attitudes from pornography. Therefore, having anal sex with those men, is degrading. I don't know what sex positions have to do with this conversation, so I can't answer that particular statement...?

You want to know the appeal of aggressive pornography to the majority of men. It's not a secret. The appeal of the anal sex and the throat abuse is that it degrades and hurts women. When asked why they think anal sex is so exciting, men are usually going to give you one of two responses: It's "taboo" or "dirty". This means that they think nice girls don't do anal. They see women that do anal as "dirty". Maybe you've heard the term, "freak in bed". This is obviously degrading. The other response is: most women don't like anal sex. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but that's part of the appeal. If you don't believe me, I suggest you look at any anal porn website or conversations between men on the internet. That's why it turns them on. They see anal sex as a punishment. Have you ever heard the phrase "Shove it up your ass"? If you go on youtube, find a video about a woman that is not well liked, you will inevitably find comments about how she needs a "big dick up her ass".Because they know it's painful.

Before anal sex became very popular in porn in the 2000s, heterosexual men thought of anal sex as exclusively a homosexual activity. They used many slurs against homosexuals that referred to anal sex, "Fudgepacker, buttpirate, asspirate, assbandit, backdoor bandit, butt buddies, doughnut puncher, rump ranger, turd burglar", the list goes on and on. One very insightful derogatory term was "pillow biter". This referred to a gay man receiving anal who had to bite the pillow so he didn't scream. But once anal sex become associated with hurting or degrading a woman, it became a "manly" thing to do. You'll rarely hear heterosexual men using those slurs that imply anal sex is gay anymore. Heterosexual men also thought anal was disgusting because it involved feces....before it became mainstream in pornography.

It's also no secret that many heterosexual men fear any sort of insertion into their rectum. If you ask a man why he'd be most scared to go to prison, the very likely answer would be that he would be forced to receive anal. Guys make jokes about anal sex being degrading and painful. "He's probably face down in a ditch with some homeless guy buttfucking his corpse". That's a quote from The Hangover. Why is that men think something that would be painful and degrading if done to them is okay to inflict on a woman? Precisely that reason. They think it's painful and degrading.

The anal porn they're viewing is likely degrading. Then they go ask their girlfriends or wives to try it. "We'll be gentle. It's about trust and intimacy. This is how I know you really love me." That's usually some of the nonsense they'll spout. But that's all it is. A way to convince them to try it. Because even if they can't be rough or fast, they're still in her rectum. And they think that a woman that's letting a man in her rectum, her excrement tunnel, which is not designed to receive a penis, is being degraded. So, the excitement will still be there even with gentle anal sex. The porn they were viewing wasn't gentle and intimate. The reasons they want to try it aren't really about love and trying to please your partner. Lots of guys will claim till they're blue in the face that they're not like this. But it's a lot easier to believe that you're not. It takes a lot of introspection and compassion to look inside oneself and actually question the true nature of your beliefs. Sometimes the truth hurts.

@ The can't orgasm thing...

I know there are nice guys and guys that even care more about pleasing their partner than they do about themselves. There are guys that don't even like anal sex. I never said all men are oppressive. And that's great. Awesome. But there are a lot of men that are not very nice, and the numbers are increasing. Ignoring them didn't help before, and it won't help now.

Videogames and movies are not like porn. Porn involves real people being degraded or abused. It is not a harmless fantasy. If he's really so nice, why does he like to watch the stuff he would never do? How can he say he doesn't like it when it turns him on and he masturbates to it?

Dear Ravishing,
Off course there is a possibility I misunderstand you because of insufficient knowledge of the English language. I'd be the last to deny that :) But so far; I think I've understood your posts and at times agreed on it. Maybe we just don't seem to get how we both think on this particular matter... And perhaps you think I'm a little naive, or at least: that's what I'm reading in between your lines... True?

[quote]I'm glad that you have such a loving and compassionate boyfriend and you don't seem to be exposed too much to male supremacy. Unfortunately, that is not the case for many women. [/quote]
Yes, I'm happy with his compassionate loving nature. And no; it's not like I haven't had bad experiences with men. In fact: I'd say I was raised to hate them. See page 3: http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married-long-term-relationships/28259-29... My personal experience as a kid confirmed what my mother had told me; men can never be trusted. Even if they tell you that they love you. They're aggressive dominating creatures. Step up and protect yourself! Or they'll hurt you and degrade you and take everything away from you, so in the end you will believe you are a lowlife...

So I'd say the view as described in your post, dear Ravishing, has been mine for a long time, and actually: mine were even worse... I was convinced men would like to hurt and degrade and derive pleasure from it; like it's their nature... Not just through sex, but by any type of daily behavior. And not just any type of sex (like anal); sex itself I thought to be degrading; using someone's body for your pleasure. A piece of meat to bang away inside, not a person. And how I thought they would be "hunting" for that, craving for it; if not on the streets then in the "comfort" of their homes... But I learned soon enough how there are nice boys and men, who make good friends and colleagues. I never even believed sex could be pleasurable for a woman, until my bf fell in love with me and showed me. So, nowadays I live in a world in which I haven't met any more of such abusive husbands. And I believe that most men are truly loving their wives. I didn't forget about what they did to me or what they did to my mom. Monsters do exist... But those are the minority; a few that ruin the reputation of men...

Dear Ravishing, whenever I read your posts, I wonder: where do you come from? If it's not too blunt to ask...

[quote]Most heterosexual men's attitudes about anal sex ARE degrading and most men learn these attitudes from pornography. Therefore, having anal sex with those men, is degrading. I don't know what sex positions have to do with this conversation, so I can't answer that particular statement...?[/quote]

I made that particular statement to reset the mind away from anal sex. Cause I do not think anal sex is the problem. Any type of sex can be degrading, any type of sex can be loving. I truly believe that most men, who love their gf's/partner/wife, do not mean to degrade by suggesting anal sex. If his attitude is degrading by anal sex, I'd expect him to "honor" those same attitudes in any other type of intercourse and in fact: in other parts of his life... And I would advise any girl who's in a relationship with a man that shows these types of behavior that you've described in your post, to run as fast as she could! Or that man will hurt her and degrade her and take everything away from her, so in the end she will believe she is a lowlife...

So, I think I do understand everything you've written, dear Ravishing... And maybe you'd understand that it's not an eye-opener, but more like a flashback on what I used to think?

[quote]Porn involves real people being degraded or abused. It is not a harmless fantasy. If he's really so nice, why does he like to watch the stuff he would never do? How can he say he doesn't like it when it turns him on and he masturbates to it?[/quote]
My bf's preference for porn I will never understand, nor will I understand the tons of men and lots of women who watch it. But as long as he does not display any aggressive/degrading attitude, I can't be bothered too much... He has slept with quite a few women, so I guess he has established enough experience on what real sex is like. It does however bother me how porn is used as an example (at times the only example), even for young teens. I'd hate to see them develop as sad and messed up ideas about sex as I once had, or worse... And I'm at times concerned for the health of these pornactors and wonder if it was really for fun or because they're desperate or even (shivers!) forced...

Back on topic: I would have never tried anal stimulation, had I not trusted my bf. And off course: if I wasn't curious or willing to try. I would in fact not have engaged in any sexual activity. Had he not (always!) been accepting my boundaries and respectful to me. All it took was trust, respect and communication. So that's what I'd recommend in any relationship.

I never liked the thought of having a penis in my anus but lately i have become more adventurous and willing to try new things i bought an anal dildo and asked my man to use it on me he was pleased as punch and i actually liked it.I let him finger me and he can use the dildo and then gradually insert his penis to where i am comfortable.There is no harm asking if she says yes then enjoy if no respect her point of view be patient and hope she'll change her mind as i did