The following information and associated links will help prepare a couple for their first experience. Both the man and the woman should read this information whether both of you are virgins, or, that one of you has had prior experience and that this is the your first time with this partner.
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/20950-help_s_he_more_experienced..."]HELP! S/He is more EXPERIENCED! To which I say:
[QUOTE=Sakoend;230841][COLOR="blue"]MY bf and i are planning to have sex some time in the summer and i just want to know what all do we need/do before we have sex for the first time (for both)[/COLOR]
This is an excellent question that I do not believe gets asked enough; or, stated another way, that people give enough forethought to.
[COLOR="blue"]I plan to get on birth control
[/COLOR]
Please talk to your doctor in a few weeks and discuss options. Do you want the pill, patch, or another type? What type? If you are choosing the pill or patch, I recommend getting started fairly soon in order for your body to adjust. Also, there are many different contraceptive medications available and the first one may not be the ideal one for you.
[COLOR="blue"]he has condoms
[/COLOR]
Great! Does he know how to use them? Have him practice rolling them on and off. Also, purchasing a lubricant is very worthwhile, regardless of whether you produce copious amounts of mucus or not. It is important to spread it over the skin of the condom. Lubes are available over the counter in supermarket drug departments and pharmacies.
[COLOR="blue"]we're doing in a hotel (because we both still live with parents)
We are both 19
any thing else we both should do/need before sex.[/COLOR]
YES! Knowledge is empowering. Please read some of the articles listed in the Index:
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/index-sexinfo101-board-topics/22777-begi..."]
--BEGIN HERE--w/a Partial INDEX of Sex Info 101 Sex Ed. Topics
Here is your "laundry list" of articles the two of you should read:
A. [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new-sex/24615-im-ready-sex-am-i-i-really..."]I'm Ready for SEX! (or am I?) I really want to do it.
Please read the threads linked in the article, also.
B. Chapter Three: (Scroll down the thread)
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/20641-intercourse_orgasms_the_ge..."]INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Making Out, FIRST
Frequently, and depending upon the nature of a poster's question, I recommend the person read Chapter Three, first, and Chapter One, second.
C. Chapter One:
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/20641-intercourse_orgasms_the_ge..."]INTERCOURSE / ORGASMS / and the gentle art of Humping
D. [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married_and_long-term_relationships/2394..."]The Program
Your guide to wild rampant skin-on-skin full-body-contact sex.''
Pay particular attention to 1-5 & 10-12.
E. [URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/married_and_long-term_relationships/2272..."]Body Worship How-To by EEK
F. General Information-
I know that when the time comes for this momentous act to occur that the two of you will probably be nervous as well as excited; moreover, in a hurry. The first two emotions are expected, the last one should be traded in for taking your time and enjoying and savoring every moment.
There are several reasons for having intercourse; first, might be just to get the deed done and out of the way so that virginity is not a problem; second, curiosity; third, sex for fun and pleasure; fourth, as an outward expression for the love a man and woman have for each other. Think about why you want to have first time intercourse, now vs. the future. It is not unusual for a girl to loose her virginity and then soon after stop having intercourse until she is older, wiser, and more mature. Think about this, not that this will necessarily be the case for you.
Plan on using three (3) methods of contraception:
1. The man must use a condom and protect his interests and future.
2. The woman must use the pill, patch, or other highly reliable contraceptive
3. As back up, she should also use a vaginal spermicide. Redundancy protects her interests and future!
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/new_sex/20351-birth_control_failure_rate..."]Birth Control Failure Rates
[URL="http://www.sexinfo101.com/forum/birth_control_stds_and_sexual_disorders/..."]
Caution: Pill - Take only as directed
As a woman, what do you know about your hymen? Is it intact? Partially? Fully eroded away? I believe it is important for every woman to be as familiar with her Vulva {Labia Majora (large lips), Labia Minora (small lips) Urethra, Clitoris (Tip/Hood and Shaft), Vaginal Entrance, Hymen, Perineum, and, Anus), with any other part of her anatomy. If you are not, please take a mirror and a lamp and go on a "field trip" and explore yourself. Know where things are and what they look like. Inspect your hymen or what might be remaining of it. Things to look for if it is intact is how it is constructed. Does the membrane have any holes? If so, how many and how large? Is there a space between the membrane and the vaginal wall. If so, where?
These are important pieces of information to have when it comes time to position the penis in order to make penetration easier. Ideally, the tip of the penis should be positioned so that it will slide between the membrane and the vaginal wall. Alternately, if the membrane has a sufficiently large enough hole, the penis can be positioned against this opening. Either is better than just placing it randomly and probably pushing against the membrane itself in order to break it.**
Before attempting penetration-
Both of you should bathe and/or freshen up before becoming romantic.
Devote much of your love making session to making out in all of its forms and building each other's level of arousal, anticipation, excitement, and, sexual tension.
Ask for at least one orgasm before beginning intercourse. Why? Because should intercourse prove uncomfortable, it will likely squelch any ability to have an orgasm. So, have at least one during foreplay!
If you are pre-orgasmic and have never masturbated and have yet to learn how to have a climax and what it takes, then I highly recommend you spend part of the next several months learning. Do not expect him to give you an orgasm whether it be the very first time or not. Each person, male and female, is responsible for his/her own orgasms. All any of us can hope to accomplish is to help our partner achieve them. Now, having recommended this, it is also important for both of you to know and understand that an orgasm for a woman is neither a necessity or a requirement. Women can enjoy sex with or without an orgasm if there is emotional intimacy.
* Make certain to spread lubrication around the vaginal opening using her mucus and/or a lube. He can do this while fingering her. She can do it just before, also, if desired.
* Make certain to spread the lubricant over the entire surface of the condom. Do not use lubricated condoms. They do not work well for this purpose.
* Work on attaining a high level of arousal. It is better to devote plenty of time to this aspect of your love making session than to just rush to the finish line. Each of you will be much more receptive the more aroused you are.
* Use the "Cowgirl" or Woman Superior position the first couple of times.
Using this position places the woman in control-
+ She knows where P & V are so can easily and deftly bring the two together placing the tip of the penis where it will encounter the least resistance. Doing this herself saves her guy possible angst and embarrassment over fumbling around uncharted territory.
+ She governs the amount of pressure to apply (Do not stab, jab, or shove) and when.
+ She determines the speed and depth of penetration
+ She determines the speed of stroking
(Go the the site's Home Page to view illustrated animated views of this position, its variations, as well as many other positions.)
* Expect that there may be some bleeding. Place a hand towel under the woman's bottom to protect the bedding.
* Know that as "perfect" as the two of you want this experience to be, it most likely will not go off without a hitch or glitch. DO NOT make this an issue. Guys especially, get all bent out of shape when things do not go as hoped for. Their Fragile Male Ego takes a severe blow when they try for greatness and are let down by some little foible. Focus on pleasing each other whether intercourse happens or not, whether it goes off without a hitch or not. Making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for each other in partnership. Explore and learn together. [/quote]
[COLOR="Red"]When the decision to use contraceptives is made DO use them religiously--every time--no exceptions or else what's the point?[/COLOR]
[COLOR="darkorange">** Preparing the Hymen-
Hymens come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Generally they are a crescent shaped membrane that partially obstructs the vaginal opening, although not always. Some have one or more openings in them. Some are thicker than others. A few are completely attached all around the opening.
I believe it is a good idea for a woman who is contemplating having intercourse for the first time to prepare by stretching both the hymen and the vaginal opening beforehand. Doing so will help make both more pliable.
To do this, partially fill a bathtub with warm water (Sitz bath) and sit in it while the water helps to relax the skin and you. Insert a finger against the hymen and tug in one direction, holding the pressure for a few moments. Repeat. This works well if their is a space between the membrane and the vaginal wall. If there is a large opening in the membrane, try doing this and then working your way around the circle.
Plan to repeat this exercise several times over the next few days. At some point you should be able to insert two fingers while tugging.
Do this same exercise with the vaginal opening. Begin with a single finger and after a few days as the opening relaxes, you should be able to insert two fingers. The fingers can be from each hand or a single hand, working in opposition.[/COLOR]
Doc, you are missing the most important element. All women shoul dhave a complete gyn exam BEFORE becoming sexually active. We recommend at 16. Old enough to be developed mentally and physically that potential problems can be addressed. Young enough to still want to learn.
Incidentally, mothers are not allowed in the room when I do initial exams.
I prefer patients to have their first gyn exam at the onset of menses. Why? You are beginning with a good baseline of a routine exam [finding what is either normal or abnormal], getting the patient comfortable with their body, and with opening up for discussions in the future.
No parents are allowed in the room during any exams or during in my office while we discuss findings and cover basic information. This allows me to get an accurate assessment of their development, let them know our conversations are confidential, and they can call with questions as needed. I can also cover all basics of safety.
Later mom is brought in & I will discuss only what I found as all appears okay, the pap will be back in a week & you will have your results, and when I recommend a follow up appointment. None of the personal information is divulged to the parent if they asked about sex, birth control, etc. I do encourage Moms to talk with their daughters about what is happening with their bodies [if they appear knowledgeable and are open to communication with their daughters].
Often I will say; discussing topics are important since you may not approve of your daughters sexual behavior or body. However, lack of information can result in not just a unwanted pregnancy but can cost them their lives.
I do not do many gyn exams but will do them if I must.
I do not do a pap at the first exam. Our NHS guidelines are 30 yo. I usually ignore that but the first internal is daunting enough without getting out a speculum. Whenever possible, I avoid the stirrups as well.
Like kids who were traumatized at the dentist and never go again (until their teeth fall out), too many women are traumatized at what should eb an educational and informative exam. I try to make it interesting and, possibly, relaxing.
Cannot argue with at the menses. Sixteen is the outside acceptable age for first gyn exam.
Thanks For the advice ,useful information .
Check around on the forum, especially in this section. You'll find a plethora of information that should be more than enough to answer your question.
My bf is a virgin... he has given me oral and i've given him oral but we've never had sex... i want to know what should i do for him... i've never been with someone who was inexperienced... i don't know what he likes or how to find out what he likes... i kno that he likes when i suck on his penis kinda hard but other than that i hav no idea where to start... help me please...
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope you enjoy participating. Please begin by familiarizing yourself with the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, and especially the Index, all found at the top of the main screen. The Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to information and provides answers to common questions and concerns.
Please read the articles and discuss the information. Explore and learn together. Then, learn to give each other feedback on how each of you is responding to each others caresses and for what you need now/next. Please keep in mind that making love is not what we do to each other; it is what we do with and for....
Did you read the article at the beginning of this thread?
I hope this is of help. After doing your reading assignment, please do not hesitate to ask questions.
... maybe someone has some advice for me? thanks!
Fist, I find it weird that moms should talk to their daughters... okay not "weird" bc i totally agree, but what about those girls out there who dont have a mom. The only reason i say that is, my mom left when i was 3. I have lived with my dad ever since. No step mom. so how do they convince their father (or father figure) to let them go to the Gyno.. they arent usually so ... open to the idea of this?
my boyfriend of 7 months and i have talked about having sex many times. our only problem is that i still am not comfotable with having sex. I was raped about... a yr and a half ago. hes being extremely patient with me, and i truly appreciate him doing that... but by now i feel like i should be able to have sex with him and not be afraid... any advice on how to get over my fear?
I do have some thoughts for the two of you to mull over.
First, does your boyfriend really get the seriousness of the emotional damage that was done to you by the rape? I doubt it, because he has not lived it, and is a male who can often just get on with things that he was not involved with personally.
I have done a lot of reading on the matter and thought I knew how to handle a person's feelings and could understand what a woman was having to live with, but, I did not--not until I felt truly violated in another way when my first wife left and had a male friend enter the house with her and help move her out. I was out that evening and when I came home and found the house disturbed and her things gone, and learned later who had helped her, I felt very violated by this man being in my home, even though my wife had invited him. It took a couple of years to get over the feeling.
Second, have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend and share your emotions and concerns with him. You do not have to share the actual details, just what is swarming around in your head.
Third, ask for and enlist his help and support and tell him what you need from him. He is not a mind reader. (Guys need the dots spaced very close together as well as being connected!)
Fourth, you must know and understand that the rape was not your fault. It is never a woman's fault. This was a personal attack that was perpetrated on you by one individual.
Logically, you have to know that not all men are like this one bad guy. That said, you then have to believe that unless and until your boyfriend or any other man gives indications of behaving any other way than honorable, that you can and should trust him. Although, trust is earned, in order to initiate trust in the beginning, each of us must give a little to the other person sufficient to get the relationship off the ground. That done, the rest is earned through the deeds and accomplishments we give to each other.
It is counter productive to have the attitude that because one guy proved to be bad, all guys therefore must be suspect. This is saying in essence that I will trust you only if you successfully meet the following conditions, first. More often than not, what happens next is that he will never meet those conditions, and, you will continually test him to see if he will fail. The result is relationship stagnation.
Fifth, do not make sex or intercourse your goal or objective. Make intimacy the objective. Learn to cultivate intimacy by spending lots of time hugging, snuggling, kissing, whispering sweet nothings; and, maybe even just talking about stuff that isn't all too important.
Sixth, please read the articles listed in the Index regarding dating and relationships. Follow these up with the information on fooling around and making out. Do this individually or together.
Keep your relationship at this stage for as long as you desire. Do not be in a rush to finish with intercourse. You can, when the time is right, finish with a hand and/or oral and achieve much more intense orgasms. (Think months not weeks with regard to Necking and Petting, all before moving on to Foreplay and later, intercourse.)
Seventh, discuss the information learned from reading the many articles and how you can implement the how-to's into your own relationship.
Eighth, understand that great relationships are formed not by what we take in order to get; rather by what we give each other in order to receive. Do not hesitate to trust your boyfriend. Give him the benefit of the doubt, your initial level of trust, and proceed from there. If he is worthy, he won't disappoint in a major way; although, he could in small irritating ways as he grows, learns, and, matures.
Ninth, make your next move only when you are ready. (As an aside to this, read the article that discusses "Implied Consent", just to help keep the "ball" rolling yet under control.)
Next, please read the articles listed under the heading "SEX e.g. INTERCOURSE" in the Index. This includes the information in the articles at the top of this thread.
Tenth, if you are struggling with the emotional trauma of the past, please do seek counseling from a therapist knowledgeable with the concerns of rape victims. If money is of concern, consult your doctor, a minister, or the health department for a referral. Very often there are people who offer their services at a reduced fee or ability to pay.
> I find it weird that moms should talk to their daughters... okay not "weird" bc i totally agree, but what about those girls out there who dont have a mom. The only reason i say that is, my mom left when i was 3. I have lived with my dad ever since. No step mom. so how do they convince their father (or father figure) to let them go to the Gyno.. they arent usually so ... open to the idea of this?
Do you have an aunt or grandmother living close by or a trusted adult woman friend who can help you with your questions and concerns? What about your school nurse? Yes or no, you can always visit your local Planned Parenthood on your own. If a relative is available, she can also intercede on your behalf with your father.
Many of your questions will probably be answered in one or more of the articles listed in the Index found at the top of the main screen.
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope the two of you will enjoy participating. Please begin by reading the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, in addition to the Index. As mentioned, the Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.
I hope this is of help to you and your boyfriend. Got questions? After doing your reading assignments, please do not hesitate to ask. :confused::cool::)
Smilez - TALK TO HIM. ASK HIM. Explore this topic with him physically and find out directly what YOU and he like/dislike or don't care about.
This is a good way to learn what I need to know. I think that there is a lot of helpful information
[quote]First, does your boyfriend really get the seriousness of the emotional damage that was done to you by the rape? I doubt it, because he has not lived it, and is a male who can often just get on with things that he was not involved with personally.
I have done a lot of reading on the matter and thought I knew how to handle a person's feelings and could understand what a woman was having to live with, but, I did not--not until I felt truly violated in another way when my first wife left and had a male friend enter the house with her and help move her out. I was out that evening and when I came home and found the house disturbed and her things gone, and learned later who had helped her, I felt very violated by this man being in my home, even though my wife had invited him. It took a couple of years to get over the feeling.[/quote]
Although it was a long time ago this was posted, I'd like to comment on this.
Doc, I appreciate you doing reading on these women trying to understand. And I do appreciate you sharing a personal story and I would not want to diminish it. Cause this must have been a shocker to you, I know I sure would have been shocked!
But I don't think someone violating your home will ever compare to your body being violated. I'd say you have witnessed a shimmer of the deep dark waters that are inside a woman who was raped. I would not say I'd be able to fully understand, as I've only been sexually violated in the past, not raped. But I do know this:
[INDENT]Your body is the element that is heavily connected to you as a person. It is filled with the hormones and chemistry that makes you feel love, hope, sadness, anger and every emotion in between. It allows you to breath and let's you run along this earth. Your life-energy flows through it. Your body is your temple; holier than any sacred ground. It IS your life! Through your body you are connected with the universe. It holds the key to giving birth to new life itself. Your body is the home you will never ever get to run away from...[/INDENT]
I think this describes just a little how hard it is to make peace with your body again. You feel ashamed of it, no matter what others say, cause your body is so close and important to you that it feels like it IS you. All it takes is repeating again and again and again that there is nothing you should feel ashamed of. That you still are still that most beautiful person. And no-one will ever take that away from you!!!
ok me and my boyfriend of about a year have had oral sex but not actual sex and i have heard about popping her cherry and people have told me it might hurt a little and youll bleed. how much blood do you loose would it b like a day of your period? or more?
and are there any tricks or pistions that would make both of us comnfertable and relaxed
Welcome to the SI101 Board and its Forums. I hope the two of you will enjoy participating. Please begin by reading the FAQs, the Posting Guidelines section, in addition to the Index. As mentioned, the Index contains links to helpful informative insightful, as well as how-to articles that discuss the most common questions and concerns people ask about. If you click on the site's Home page you will find even more information.
When you write messages, please refrain from using texting shorthand as it is very annoying.
> me n my bf of about a year have had oral sex but not actual sex n i have heard about poppin her cherry n peoplee have toldme it might hurt a lil n ull bleed. how much blood do u loose would it b like a day of ur period? or more?
Hymens come in a variety of sizes, shapes, hole patterns, and thicknesses. Many erode away during childhood and the teen years from exercise and sporting activities. There may be a twinge of pain and maybe not.
Bleeding is minimal, often being only a few drops, and not unlike cutting your finger. As with any other wound, it will take several days to heal and can be sore if rubbed by a finger or penis in the meantime.
Please read the articles listed in the Index about having intercourse for the first time, as well as making out in general. I recommend that the two of you do this and discuss what you have learned, adding the information to what each of you already knows.
Before having intercourse, it is strongly recommended that you have a gyn. exam by your doctor. S/he will check to make sure all is A-OK. You can also use the time to discuss any questions or concerns you may have.
Also, have two-three contraceptives in place (his, yours, ours) or the very least, two--the first and last.
> n r there any tricks or pistions that would make both of us comnfertable and relaxed
The Woman Superior or Cowgirl position is recommended because it places the woman in control. You can do a site search on the term and read more about why this position is strongly recommended.
I hope this is of help. Got questions?
I'm bewildered that we still have our maidenheads torn by a blunt instrument. It's barbaric and reeks of male-domination. A quick snip at the clinic with a local anaesthetic, a form of female circumcision you might say.
NO. Emphatically, that is not a form of female circumcision. Female circumcision is a terrible abuse that removes the clitoris. Be bewildered but be knowledgeable before making wild statements.
**Innocent**, I and all your sisters on this site reach out to comfort you, yet know how hard it will be for you. I know men who cry for shame when they hear about this bestial crime. You know better than anyone what you need to do; even others who have suffered are not the same as you and can tell you what they did but not advise you. I doubt your boy-friend will be impatient.
When you say "let them go to the Gyno" you must be quite young if you need permission. Time heals but heals slowly.
**innocent**i'm sure that your boyfriend really cares for you and will be as gentle as possible with you when you first have sexual intercourse.I can't say i know how you feel but i can empathise with you as i was sexually molested by an uncle for almost 8years from age 8 onwards.I was never raped by him although he threatened to rape me when i turned 18.Luckily for me this never happened.My first sexual experience at age 23 was more than a bit daunting at first,but i had a loving partner who was gentle and didn't pressure me into doing anything that i didn't want to do.I had a beautiful 6 month relationship with this man and although i 've had ongoing issues with the abuse i suffered, i vowed not to let it ruin any relationships i might have in the future.
Its probably best to start with other activities other than actual sex, like oral sex. This slideshare presentation is really helpful!
Mind Blowing Blow Jobs
You should have him worship your body without actual sexual intercourse occurring.Lie down naked or semi naked,whatever you feel comfortable with.Then he can give you a sensual massage with scented or non perfumed body oil.Get feathers or flowers Orchids are good(i saw it done in a film 40 days and 40 nights)and have him gently run them over your body tantalising you.You can be blindfolded or have your eyes closed to make it ,more exciting.And when he's finished,you can do it to him.But make sure that you stipulate that no matter how aroused either one or both of you become that there is to be no sexual penetration ,oral yes if you both want it but not anything else.
Very wonderful and informative thread. thank you :)
very nice thread you have shared thank you for it.
Do not fear sex itself. It isn't the sex that is the problem. If you're hit with a hammer, you do not blame the hammer, you blame the person who swung it.
The problem is you chose the wrong person. So, drop him/her and move on- remembering to choose someone entirely different the next time.
There is no value in being with a terrible person.