I have a problem,
one of my best freinds lost her husban a couple of years ago, and I, unlike many mutual freinds and family didn't bail on her or tried to grift out some inheritance .
Infact, I went through similar years ago after a bad auto wreck (me vs a DUI, I lost) and all my freinds did the same to me, so I hated to see her hurt in this way on top of everything else, so I took the role as shoulder to cry on and a boot to the butt to keep her moving when needed...
but now, she put the move on me :eek: I don't want to take advantage of a greif rebound, but at the same time I haven't been with anyone since my own tragedy (I had convinced myself that a scarred, slightly gimpy, cynical loner like me could never have anyone show that kind of interest in me) .
I feel guilty for thinking about sex with her, worried how things would change if I did (or if I even could), flattered, and honestly, bit scared too about the whole situation because things like this NEVER happen to me, I'm always the 'buddy' never the 'boyfreind', women I'm freinds with just never think of me as anythng more ....
to show you how comfortable our freindship is, we'd can talk as she dresses and I'm standing in the doorway of her bedroom and never had that awkward tension, we'd have flirty banter with out embarrassment, hell, we can argue politics and not get mad or emotional...
so, wise gurus...
what words of wisdom can you offer?
First of all, you're to be applauded for sticking by her the way you have. Bravo.
Secondly, I'm so sorry for your own loss.
Grief-based rebounds/relationships just happen. They're nothing to feel guilty about, they're no one's fault, they just happen. They almost can't help but happen when two people get so closely knit during such a traumatic time. Take it from someone who was once in a similar situation. It was not completely the same(we didn't both lose lovers, we both lost brothers way too soon, my loss was first and he came to me for support after his), and it was clear back in high school, but it was a grief-based relationship none the less.
You're getting attached to each other because of how steadfastly you've been there for each other through this time. Utterly normal. You're also both coming to a point where you need to know you're still desirable, and lets face it, you're both human and have desires. Also utterly normal. You're feeling the urge to jump back in the saddle, but afraid it's 'wrong'. Again, utterly normal. And by the way, it's not wrong. Your respective late spouses would want you each to be happy, right? Moving forward does not equal forgetting. The latter will never happen, whether you find someone new or not.
Only you can decide whether to jump back into the saddle or not.
she lost the spouse, me...never had the chance to really meet anyone, between doing the staving college student thing, survival jobs, then getting squished myself.
this is so out of my carefully crafted comfort zone and experiences....
getting out of comfort zones is how we grow as people. Personal growth is always a good thing. If it weren't risky and scary, it wouldn't be so sweet.
She wants to; you want to. Someone may get an emotional bruise. Big deal.
OK, I'll go over and talk, see what happens...I'll thinking it might of been the initial shock (like a deer in highbeams) of her proposition that shook me....I'm soo not used to being the one being hit on....it feels....alien
Oh c'mon, live a little. She wants you. If you want her too, relax and go with it. Stop 'whoodathunk'-ing and enjoy the ride! :D
Life is too short, buddy. Besides saying NO is awkward and painful - so don't say No.
ok, ok...I'll try.
I should change my name to Mr.clueless or Catain Oblivious that what I feel like.
You're neither clueless nor oblivious. You're merely over-thinking.
[QUOTE=lnt1103;248399]You're neither clueless nor oblivious. You're merely over-thinking.[/QUOTE]
that's part of my personality type...can't help it.
I do have an up date on when I went over and came clean on how I was feeling if anyone's interested...
Tsk!
Yes you can help it. You can do anything you choose to do - esp. 'help' your flaws.
Face up. 'Fess up. Fix up!
No more excuses!
[QUOTE=EvilEvilKitten;248426]Tsk!
Yes you can help it. You can do anything you choose to do - esp. 'help' your flaws.
Face up. 'Fess up. Fix up!
No more excuses![/QUOTE]
yes ma'am...by your evil command, I am your willing minion.
first, I confessed this whole thing scared the crap our of me, and it all felt so alien (remember she knows my history as well as I do), and where this was all going. she reassured me there was no intention of leading to THE "M" WORD, she had enough of that, we talked about not being kids anymore, and I should feel convident enough to talk like this and not worry she would get mad or hurt...we both have similar experriences (that's part of thereason we get along so well)...there was some hugs, kisses tossed in during the time talking...in all, it wasn't hot and heavy, but....good, like having comfort food, (meatloaf or potroast or something) does that make since?
as soon as I hit 'submit' I'll be headed back over, I promised...
"I am your willing minion."
LOL Just what I love to hear from a man!
anyone want an update?
here goes, I went over and picked her up and went to appleby's (got that special they have for two), I had their Brew, she diet coke, we both had the motz sticks and steaks....chatted about our common interests besides my fears and our pets (both of us have parrots)...movies we like, compairing old school actors to modern, like cary grant to george clooney, lucile ball to Oprah (lucy was the brain behind Desilu studios and one smart cookie decades before oprah and Harpo productions)...then we walked about the mall checking theater playings and, get this....the reason for the brew earlier on my part? Actually a jesture of trust, I let her drive my jeep..NO ONE DRIVES MY JEEP! EVER, BUT ME....and went back to my place, sat and talked somemore, she told me some very personal secrets I'm honor bound to keep. and yes, we did end up in bed. :D not as stressed as I was when she first brought up the subject, but still feeling anxiety, things (i feel) didn't go as earth shaking as she deserved on my part...but I didn't run sheeking into the night in panic....then we tried the shower bit, and took her home...it all, simple, sweet and....(?). (yah, I know it sounds like a WE network movie, but give me break 'k?)
now I tease her that she got me drunk and had her evil ways with me, that gets my shoulder punched...:o
TY for the great update!