Well, as I've posted before (but I'll remind everyone again..) My boyfriend and I have been togeth for nearly a year, but we've only begun having sex (or trying to have sex) for the past month. We attempted for about the fifth time just this afternoon and still there is no improvement as far as preformance goes. He continues to go soft and is unable to stay up long enough to be inside of me for more than a few seconds. We have tried many different ways of approaching sex but so far none have been successful. I kow that he is "working properly" because I have given him oral sex, and brought him to orgasm using my hands. But everytime we take it to the next level he goes limp. He tells me that he DOES want to make love to me very badly but still this happens. I know that it is because we have failed so many times he now dreads makeing love (he has told me this) or attempting it. I dont know what to do anymore, I've been nothing but supportive and patiant and I've done everything for him I can think of...but he became very flustrated today and now is even concidering Viagra or another medication to help him..what should I do?

Poohbear - He should go to the doctor to find out for sure what the problem is. I know in my case it is somewhat similar, my man has a struggle staying hard when he wears a condom. He says he loses all feeling. A lot of it though is a mind game. Last week for example.. my guy put on the condom and soon after went soft before penetration. He took off the condom and I began to give him oral. After a few minutes I said "you really hate condoms don't you" because it was taking him longer to get hard. He thinks about the fact that he hates them, it's basically a road block to him getting aroused.... anyway, you need to find out if the condoms are what is making this happen to your guy as well or if it is something medical.

thanks alot rioch...ima talk to her about it.

hey people, it finally worked for me last night, we hadnt tried since i posted last. but leaving it a while seems to have worked. we were just messing around and i fingered her then it just happened. thanks for the help everybody! good luck to you other folk!

alright i have a huge problem and its my 5th time doing it and everytime it had gone limp...its a fear for sure but i dont know a fear of what...but im getting really aggravated and i want her to climax but its pretty hard when i flop out...its such a low blow on my confidence and every time after that it gets worst...HELP

top bowycat, try a different position, it might be that the position that u botrh thought would be best isnt actually best. instead of her being on top,. try missionary, if ur penis isnt getting stimulated then very quickness the horniness will go, and so will the erection, aim on stimulating the penis tip, and also pleasureing her. if one position doesnt work try a new one!

1. Erection trouble is normal. Don't flip out about it. Especially if it has only been 2 or 3 times! Lots of foreplay before sex can help, as well as not going into the encounter thinking "I wonder if it will happen again..." And as Brandye said, maybe your body is trying to tell you something.

2. If you are on certain medications, the efect can be sudden loss of erection, but the erection can be brought back by lots of touching.

[QUOTE=Quote (Poohbear @ May 30 2003,22:55)]Does anyone have any suggestions of anything I might say or do to help his confidence?[/QUOTE]
Bring him to this board and show him how common it is. Hearing it from you might sound like you just trying to be nice.

If he sees it here, he will more likely buy it and try some of the suggestions that should help him.

I have to admit that my boyfriend and I have been haveing the same trouble lately. Really, Its not such a huge deal to me, I'm pretty confident that if we keep tring everything will be fine...but he on the otherhand...well, isnt. He gets so upset everytime it happens ( 3 times now) ..and I know that isnt helping the situation. I understand too that it must be an ego blow.

Does anyone have any suggestions of anything I might say or do to help his confidence?

Poohbear

WOW i have that exact same porblem and i cant figure out what went wrong...but i tried it 2 times so far and both times i floped out...how many more trys till i can get over my fear (bad question) or how many times till it gets use to it?

[QUOTE=Quote (top bowcyat @ May 30 2003,15:08)]PLEASE I NEED HELP....tell me im normal......[/QUOTE]
Hi top bowcyat, welcome to the board.

If you read the posts above and in other topics (there are a number that deal with this problem), you will see that the chances are that you are perfectly normal.

Follow some of the tips given; relax, lots of foreplay, get used to each other's bodies by bringing each other off in other ways first, and then the next step will come naturally (pun intended).

well, i guess ill go lay down on my bed and think about what can get me hard. oh yeah, and our first time was in her back seat, and it was pretty uncomfortable. reply soon guys ;)

firstly, u need to let go off the fears that u will go limp, while u still fear that, u make it more likely to happen, and this leads to an vicious circle of it getting worse.
next, just relax, dont let it be rushed, think of a snail. when u tap it on the nose it instantly retrats cause it doesnt know wot to expect. eventually it will recover the courage to poke out again, when nothing bad has happened to it. the more times u repeat this the less time it will take for it to learn that nothing bad happens. eventually, it will completly ignore being tapped on the nose cause it knows that nothing bad will happen to it (for anyone interested, this is psychology, the learning approach. this specifically is known as classical conditioning and is a technique used to eradicate phobias, through use of the idea of extinction!) a man penis is much like this, when things start toi happen to it that havent happened before it either gets VERY excited (ejaculation) or very scared (loss of erection). the trick is to keep at it, to let her play with it while it is limp, so that the touch of a female doesnt do anything to it suddenly. once it is over the initaila fears, it can be stimulateds and used as necessary...

so have no fear, let her play and learn ur body while waiting, and then good luck and have fun... i know its gr8

ok ,well i am 15. i attempted sex with my girlfriend a week ago for the first time and i got very nervous and went soft before we could start. the same thing has happened twice since then (and i didnt feel as nervous). one of them when she tried to give me oral sex. we are trying again tomoro and im afraid the same will happen. help :S

well, ive done stuff with my gf, like using my fingers and mouth.  but last nite, we decided to actually do "it".  but the thing is, i couldn't get it up...........NOOOOOOO!  i thought that would never ever happen.  but it did .  does n e one think this is just 'cuz it was my first time?  oh yeah, i also noticed that sometimes when i please myself, it is not always fully erect.  would that also contribute to my lack of hardness?

well, you guys know more that i do, please gimme you view on the situation, and how i can resolve my problem.

thx in advance.

hey man, i know excactly what your talking about in some deal...im also 15, and i had sex for my first time 5 days ago man...so i know excactly what your going throught....its a b**** to keep it still erected..but chill, dont get scared or anything...just wait for the moment, possibly give her oral/anything to give her pleasure, and then usually ( it works for me ) it gets me horny..other than that man, good luck.

At fifteen, maybe your penis is being wiser than you are. It is telling you that you are just not ready. You and your g/f can find lots of interesting things to do that will give each a better understanding of what happens during sex.

well i tried missionary but that didnt last long....maybe doggy..ill try that tonite thanks

well from her point of view i know how it is kinda. my b/f that im w/ now, he was my first w/ everything pretty much but he had had g/f's before. so i was real nervous the first time i gave him head b/c i was worried if id do it wrong, or if id hurt him, etc,etc. but he would just watch me and real sweetly be like maybe u could grip a little harder/softer or go a little faster/slower... u know just so i wouldn't feel like i was driving blind. i also would read up on giving BJs on sex sites like this one and just see what different techniques and stuff i wasn't doing. so a few years have passed and i dont think im an expert or anything but my b/f definetly hasn't complained and all he can say now is that feels sooooooo good ...lol.

I wouldn't worry. That happens every once in a while and at first when everything is new you have so much to process your body just can't do everything. Like the 4th time my boyfriend and I had sex, we had a pretty similar problem. We worked around it and later realized it was his medication that caused the problem.

It is one small obstacle and you'll overcome it in time. There are no directions to follow, just what your body and mind tell you.

Your penis is telling you something. You are not ready for that.

ummmmmm, yeah demonbuttercup has a good point. there are only extenuating cirumstances when that wont work. if you are on cirtian medications that can affect it, and sometimes mood but not usually.

in my experience my b/f has no trouble getting aroused. we will be playing or wrestling around and he'll stand up and have already pitched a tent...lol, but i'm sure its different w/ all guys.

thanks that is a good bit of help, i never expected answers so fast thanks thats great. well i will think of it that way, hopefully that will work soon becuase we have tried a few times as i sed. cheers

There have been times that my boyfriend could not get erect, but if I'd touch the top of his penis and rub it within seconds he's be rock hard and ready to roll. Different things please different men, just like no woman can be pleased in exactlt the same way, each guy has his own personal favorites. Maybe it is just what your girlfriend is doing, You might want your girlfriend to read through some of the information on this web site. You could also be nervous without thinking you are, and that is OK. You are young, you are going through new experiences, it is somewhat nerving. Being that you said that you have gotten erect, I don't think that there would be a medical problem, but if it continues, you never know. Good luck. As I have been told countless times "condoms and seatbelts!"

well im 18 and just started fooling around with this girl that i loved since forever, she was my first, the first time we ..., i had an erection for about 5 mins (at most) and she was on top of me, "riding" me. But as soon as we started to get into it, i started to go soft then it never came back up so i never ejaculated. well here is some backround she is really aggressive and i LOVE that but i guess i might just be abit intimidated by her. so then we tried it again, but this time i hadnt ejaculated (in anyway) in 2 weeks, so then i thought that this would be forsure...but once again it happend 5 mins tops then i got soft...i just dont know what is the matter with me...PLEASE I NEED HELP....tell me im normal......

an erection is a marvelous thing, there are times when no man understands it, i for one cannot rely on my body to perform, sometimes it just wonmt co-operate, but the idea is to ignore it, or it just gets worse. Sometimes its temporary, like stress or being tired, but sometimes its fear as well, if your worrying too much about it then it most likely wont work as u wish it to, its just one of those things

Its not a big deal, I dont know what causes this, it just happens sometimes, try new things, maybe you're just not that turned on that much, ask her to role play or talk sexy or even just dress sexy for you.

i have a little story the first time me and my girl went for it, all the way.
i was really nervous, 1st time but she had had other partners. she asked,"who do you want on top?" i thought well shes the experienced one...so.

well we went for it and absolutely could not get it in! she said she was too wet. i laughed and laughed about that the whole time, really eased me up about it.

and before the 1st 4 time i had a big problem too. the best thing is to ease up about it, being nervous can affect you more than you think.

I cant seem to get fully erect untill close to orgasm. Why is this? is it a medical condition? Ive tried sex once and I dont know if I was nervous or what but I couldnt get it in, it just wasnt hard enough. I really want to have a good sexual experience, but am not sure how to overcome this difficulty. Please help!

You do not mention your age but I assume in your teens if you have had one experience. It is not uncommon for young men to have this issue and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Take your time, relax, ask her for help and once it works right, your problem will likely be solved.

If it continues, see your doctor. I have found that some men using viagra only once or occasionally find much more satisfaction and that, too, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You MIGHT have a medical condition, but it is unlikely. Far more likely is nerves and lack of experience. Most guys have some nervousness the first time or two, so don't worry.

The best advice (which you will see repeated many times on this Board), is  

take your time - don't just rush in,
get to know each other's bodies without worrying about penetration,
lots of foreplay before you DO attempt penetration,
and let her guide you in when she is ready!

Make sure the big head rules the little head, by relaxing the big head first using the above tips - the little head will then follow!  

If you are holding a penis in you hand you will know if it is erect. An erection isn't called a hard-on for no reason. You can pull the skin to the head, but then you either need to let go and take hold of the base again or slide your hand back the other way.

If you follow ItalStal's link, you will find some tips on handjobs under "hand techniques." Unfortunately, it doesn't really explain the basic hand job.

[QUOTE=Quote ]thank you very much for the reply, but I still have some questions, I did take hold of it and, geez I feel really stupid but... to me it feels the same all the time.[/QUOTE]
It's hard to imagine not being able to tell when it's erect, which leads me to think it may not be getting erect at all. You may want to check out the thread on "erection trouble" in this forum.

[QUOTE=Quote ] I guess I'm just asking the same question- is that a technique or do u HAVE to go back and forth?[/QUOTE]
If that works, there's no reason not to do it, but it doesn't sound like that has been working. The most common technique for a handjob is to "go back and forth." Why not try that and see what works best?

thank you very much for the reply, but I still have some questions, I did take hold of it and, geez I feel really stupid but... to me it feels the same all the time. and about the stroking in one direction, I just kept doing that...so...I mean I guess the skin did stretch that far or something....wow I really don't know what I'm asking. I guess I'm just asking the same question- is that a technique or do u HAVE to go back and forth?

[quote=Lo Lo,June 08 2003,16:49][/quote]
[QUOTE=Quote ]1 is there and easy way to tell if he's hard when pants are still on and penis is almost halfway out? [/QUOTE] Take hold of it if you're not sure - that will tell you for certain!

[QUOTE=Quote ]2 can you give a hand-job pulling the shaft skin towards the head? [/QUOTE]Yes - but once you get there you will need to go back the other way - the skin only stretches so far!

[QUOTE=Quote ]3 Do guys have a different cum then semen, or was that stuff ejaculation?[/QUOTE]It was probably pre-cum, which oozes out of the penis prior to ejaculation.

I recommend you read the sections on the website about Pleasing Men - I think you will find them helpful.

I always thought it would be easy to tell if a guys hard, but aparently, when pants are partly covering the penis I can't tell. His penis was flat on his stomach so I thought he was, then I tried to give him a hand-job (a very half assed one b/c I didn't know what the hell I was doing) and I got so confused! He didn't ejaculate but later I felt some wet/slimey stuff on his penis.1 is there and easy way to tell if he's hard when pants are still on and penis is almost halfway out? 2 can you give a hand-job pulling the shaft skin towards the head?3 Do guys have a different cum then semen, or was that stuff ejaculation? Oh geez, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.

I've got a few questions and 1 long story. I'd like to spill it all right now while its on my mind. I hope y'all dont mind a long read If you dont want a long read, skip to the text in italics down below (its the important stuff)

I'll start with the basics: I am a 19yr old male virgin. I'm not saving myself for mairrage or any other such event, but rather for the right person or the right time (ultimately both).

I've had several chances in the past, but managed to restrain myself. (drunk girls/ friends' horny girlfriends, etc.)

for years I've been reading sites like this and feel that I'd be reasonably competent in the sack... if I could get it up. (more on that later)

I'm with a great girl now, and a few weeks ago she brought up sex. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that she wants it. bad. I want it too, but I also want whats best for her. I know that losing one's virginity is a big event and one that can be looked back on with some regret. She is a couple years younger than me and comes from a very strict and controlling family. While I'm absolutely flattered that she would like me to be her first, sometimes I think it could be just to keep up with her friends, or maybe as an act of rebellion against her upbringing. (which could be absurd... she's not the type to rebel, and I know she cares very much for her family... my mind tends to wander) In other words I'm not opposed to waiting, and I'm also not opposed to giving in to what she wants.

Come to think of it, I think we can sort that last bit ourselves. But it's all typed up now, so I'm not going to erase it.

So far we've done the standard issue make out/petting sessions, and untill recently thats been it because there has been little opprotunity to be alone.

Last night we went out to a movie, and afterwards went for a walk in the park (nice and dark... it was fun) before we knew it we were on a bench making out... then naked and then I looked down and realized how cold it was. but she already had most of her clothes off, so I wasnt going to let that effort go to waste. (insert oral sex here)

I blamed my floppyness on the temperature because that's genuinely what I thought it was.

we went back to her place and ended up continuing.

to make a long story short (And this is getting long) we went back to her place fooled around for some time, but I was having a hard time getting it up and keeping it up. I stalled for as long as I could to try to get it up. (rub against the bed while going down on her... beat off with a free hand... etc, etc. she was having a hard time controlling herself, and here I was with a first class floppy. I eventually broke the news thatI was having problems, so we just lay around and cracked jokes about it for awhile and agreed it would be a night to remember. ("gee, we really came limping away from our first time, or "I thought the first time would be a bit harder than that", and many other bad puns at my expense)

[*]I've read some of the golden posts on erection problems, and tips on other sites as well. I know its purely psychological, but i just know that as soon as the next sexual encounter rolls around the only thing on my mind will be "i hope i can get it up" and in thinking that I'll be damning myself. what can I do or think about to get around this problem?

[*]Am I too comfortable around my girlfriend? I remember in past years with differet girls I'd have a raging hard on and incredibly blue balls after a moderate make out/petting session. If she so much as touched my bare skin or undid my fly I'd probably blow. but now after making out for a long time I'm not incredibly aroused. I can tell she is... but I'm not. is this wierd, or just another one of those "in your head" things?

for the first while after we met I was uncontrollably nervous during any contact... my legs would shake and my heart would be on the brink of failure. but not anymore, so I dont blame the floppyness on that.
[/list]

I'd better stop. thanks for anything y'all can offer

This is going to sound ridiculously simple, but you like her. This isn't just some girl that you want to get with and drop. You care about her and it scares you a little. You are concerned that you will hurt her by allowing her to have sex with you and your body is following you minds lead. Also, with this girl you are emotionally attached, where as with other girls it has been all about hormones. Don't think about what you want to happen or what has happened, just let it happen.

I'm kind of like you, I never expected to marry a virgin, but I also was not going to have sex with any random guy just to get it over with. I don't regret what I did. However, I'm sure that my boyfriend could come up with a million reasons as to why I lost my virginity to him other than that I love him and was ready, but that is why I chose to have sex with him and it had nothing to do with rebellion or religion. If your girlfriend is anything like me, it isn't about rebellion, she probably won't even tell her parents.

Hello Blueshark, and welcome to the forum. I'm no psychologist by any stretch, but it seems real clear to me. As Shorty said (typed) you really care about this young lady.

Your paragraph starting with "I'm with a great girl now . . ." indicates to me that you're very conflicted about having intercourse with your g/f. Combine that with the cold air in the park and, I'm sure, a little concern about being seen and this would not have been an opportune time to perform. Take your time and talk about your "sex" life. Explain to your g/f the reservations that you have. IF you work through that and decide that you want to move your sex life forward, plan a nice romantic interlude that slowly leads up to you both losing your virginity.

I'd be interested to hear from some other ladies on this post because there's an implication here that blueshark's girlfriend is pressuring HIM to have sex. Reminds me of my first real girlfriend who dumped me at 14 because I was too "slow."

Thanks for the comments I think you guys are right... I do care, and it is a position I am new to.

we've discussed it at length, and we both have our reservations.

I dont really feel pressured, just wierd. I've wanted sex for the past 5 years of my life and to finally have the opprotunity with someone I actually care about sort of blows my mind. (but not my load, unfortunately)

and I'm sure it's not about rebellions, and I'm even more sure she wont tell her parents.

I too would like to hear from others... please reply

'till then I'll just go with the flow

IMHO, a first time it's a first time, doesn't matter how prepared you think you are. And some times that feeling can be overwhelming, i've seen lots of posts from guys in a similar situations like you, and adding that to what Shorty said, well there is a possibilty. I said don't worry about it too much...

hey dont sweat it, I was in the same position as you ( saving it for someone that you cared about, im 18) but i had your problem about 5 times, 5 different nights i floped and i started to get down but surely enough we had some serious conversation about how we felt about each other and everything else around me just doesnt matter, she told me " its flattering that im your first, but you think that you wont compare to other people ive been with, but the truth is that it feels amazing because of how much i care for you..." :) i think thats the line that did it for me....but you gotta to let her know your body and let her experiment with you then you'll find out what you like and what turns you on
i hope i helped you.....

I've had this problem before, when I was with my ex girl, but now I seem to be having it again.
Me and my girl are chilling at my house ( my mom or dad are usually up-stairs or something ) and we are trying to do some stuff. I CANT GET IT UP. Maybe im nervous about my mom walkin in or suttin, but I cant seem to get it " hard " and keep it that way. She'll be grabbin and tryin 2 help me out or wutever, or she'll be layin on top of me and I STILL cant get it up. When Im rubbin on her or and down her pants, i can usually manage to get it up, but I'll loose it 2 quick to do anything with it.
Sounds dumb, but I look like an idiot infront of my girl, cuz I cant get it up, and I get really madd also, well.... obviously.

If any1 has any Ideas or helpful hints, PLEASE let me know, this isnt funny - Is it me ? or is it her ? whats going on....

JA - DA - MWAH

Jay2TheMwah,

See http://www.sexinfo101.com/cgi-bin....;t=1186

as well