He can only climax by masturbating

Q. My boyfriend was a virgin before we started dating. We have been having sex for a few months now. The only way he can climax is by masturbating after intercourse. He has never come from sex alone. What can be done because I am starting to feel like there is a problem with me, or is it that he is just too used to his hand?

A. The first few months of anyone’s sex life is bound to be filled with bumps in the road. Before you came into the picture, his hand was his main (if not only) source of sexual gratification! Although it seems like it’s part of every man’s makeup to be able to ‘do it’, it is just as much about him being in the appropriate frame of mind as it is merely a physical state of being. (Check out His First Time and Foreplay; they contain useful insights into your situation). For the time being, if you really like this guy, you’re going have to cut him a bit of slack.

Your circumstances aren’t hopeless. There are many men out there that have difficulty getting an erection, let alone being able to come inside their partner. How is he with oral sex? Has he been able to come while you give him a hand job? Have you discussed any hang-ups he has that might impact his performance such as religion, a fear of getting you pregnant or self-confidence? Use some of these questions as a basis to open the lines of communication between the two of you.

Avoid taking this situation personally without first discussing whether his inability to come has anything to do with you; after all, he did choose you to be his first! On the other hand, if his hang ups are too much for you to support, for both of your sakes, move on.