Q. I’m a 19 year old girl and my boyfriend is 23. We've been together for some time now but our sex has just gone downhill and now I’m bored. Our typical sex is: I’ll give him oral sex, then he always wants me to be on top during sex for the entire time. It’s gotten so repetitive that I don’t have orgasms anymore. I’m always the one giving and never receiving. My question is: what can I do to make sex fun for me again?
A. There are a few things that you can do before having to address this situation with your sexual partner. First, examine your role in this sexual relationship. Do you create opportunities for novel sex or do you usually follow his lead? If he’s as mundane as you describe him to be, and you’re waiting for him to spark things up, you’re on the road to nowhere.
Variety is the spice, and novelty is what makes sex so exciting. Be spontaneous by changing up the time, location, order, speed, and intensity of your desire. Take the lead by positioning yourself into different Sexual Positions and inviting him to partake. Ask for some oral (or manual) action, or better yet, arrange yourself squarely on his face if he doesn’t get the hint. You may want to try a sex game or fantasize out loud. Your newly found energy and enthusiasm – which has been suffering up to this point – will hopefully bring him out from hibernation and inspire him to rock your world.
If you have exhausted all of these options and nothing has changed, you may have a lazy lover on your hands. The only way to get through to your less active partner is by communicating how his lack of participation makes you feel. Give him the chance to explain himself and then TELL HIM WHAT YOU NEED. He’ll never be able to meet your desires if he doesn’t know what they are. You’re future with him will be way clearer once you see how he responds to your concern. If even that doesn’t work you have to ask yourself, ‘Is he the one for me?’