Role Playing

Like telling a police officer where he can put that ticket, or telling your university professor what you think of 18th century legal history, there is an inherent satisfaction in saying what you think - even when you know social convention prohibits it. For anyone who has had such taboo thoughts, the resulting adrenaline (as the words sit dangerously close to the tip of the tongue) can be delicious.

The expressions of such powerful scenarios derive their intensity from the same taboo social prescriptions as those fantasies wrought of a more sexual nature. The sight of an attractive police officer, nurse or flight attendant can conjure not only forbidden positions of authority, but also forbidden places for sexual activity.

Everyone’s fantasy sexual experience is different, but if there are any similarities, it is that they lie outside of the usual day-to-day sexual range. They inhabit a world where circumstance and situation often conspire to prohibit satisfaction of our most erotic dreams. For most of us, finding ourselves in favor with the gods of chance should not stop us from realizing our most lascivious imaginings. This is where the delicate art of convincing a lover, or partner, to participate in a romp with a cop, schoolgirl, doctor, nurse, football team or any other such scenario, becomes so important to an exciting and fulfilling sexual life.

With that being said, it is worthwhile to keep in mind that any role-play can possess the potential of eroticism; they do not need to have a power dynamic. Many times the place, position or power (known as the three P’s of erotic fantasy) can all be intertwined with the most emphasis placed on one or more of the three. The most important thing to account for is what does your fantasy consist of, where does it need to occur, and what (if any) props are needed. In many ways the understanding of the individual components of one’s fantasy are as integral to its successful realization as any persuasion or props that may be needed.

The following are some hints on how to get your partner to put on put on that hospital uniform and give you an examination. They are only suggestions and the best advice is always approach your potential participant with honesty and respect. Since you probably know their individual temperament better, do go with instinct. The more you discuss what you want, and get to know what your lover wants, the greater chance you have of a great memorable experience.

Communication

Probably the most difficult part of beginning to talk about sexual fantasies with a lover is the exclusion aspect of personal desires. Since fantasies can be intimidating because they require such a high level of trust, so including your partner may be a tricky thing. The key is making them feel part of your imaginings. Start the conversation by discussing each other’s inner most sexual desires and, once comfortable with the topic, start to broach the idea of incorporating them into your sex life.

Keep in mind during this initial stage that the uniqueness of the situation should be reinforced. This is not something that you want to do with any person that you pick up at the bar, but that you feel so comfortable with your lover that this is a way to further your intimacy. By making the situation special you are emphasizing your partner’s importance in the fantasy, helping them feel invested and sexy.

Next, decide on a good time. Timing can ruin even the best ‘laid’ plans. Make sure that you provide enough time for schedules to be cleared and for other commitments to be fulfilled. This means make a stress and worry free space so that you can have your whole mind on the fun, and not stuck thinking of the hard day ahead. Hint: If you work during the week, Friday night is an especially good time because the weekend provides a good buffer.

Especially for the first experimental session, try and tie it into other fun and sexy activities that you tend to do with your partner. Things like dinner, movie, dancing, etc. can serve to link the rest of the evening’s fun with other positive shared experiences. This will make future forays into fantasy sex more accessible.

Engaging it

Ok. So you’ve convinced your sweetheart to put on chaps and spurs, what next? Get the props and space you want to use set up beforehand. Being able to fall into the dream without having to look for the goods, or make the bed, is integral to keeping the mood and authenticity of the situation intact.

Stay in character! This cannot be stressed enough. The most fun is taking the roles seriously and truly making the fantasy come to life. It will also allow whoever is less comfortable to shed the last remaining part of their natural self-consciousness and give into the fantasy.

Laughing at each other, unless it feels safe for everyone and is agreed on earlier, can be a bad idea. People who are already stretching their comfort zones are likely to quickly retreat into self-consciousness. That is not to say "don't have fun". Experts suggest smiles and sexy noises are the best way to indicate how much fun the experience is. Let each other know that this is going well (or badly) through positive feedback, but stay away from outright laughing at first since it is easily misconstrued as mocking.

So, get into it, make it intense and safe, and always agree that it can end the moment someone feels uncomfortable. It is good to know that just because it doesn’t work once, does not mean that you should stop trying. Fantasy is always fun, if done the right way. If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.

In the end, the only truly effective aphrodisiac seems to be that which has been working for humans all along. "Your biggest sex organ is the one between your ears," says sex therapist Dr. Granzig. "What is desire, after all, than the hope that you can fulfill your sexual fantasies. And that's all in your mind."