Bisexuality
What is Bisexuality? Dana Carvey while dressed as a woman, in a moment of ironic sexual ambiguity, reportedly said: "A bisexual is a person who reaches down the front of somebody's pants and is satisfied with whatever they find." After the laughter dies, the questions arise.
Bisexuality is the blending of what are now the two primary social sexual orientations - heterosexuality and homosexuality. While there is no hard and fast rule as to which gender someone identifying as a bisexual is attracted to, it generally refers to some form of sexual attraction to either gender. This is not to say that this attraction is evenly distributed between their sexual partners, and often there are varying degrees of same sex attraction and opposite sex attraction.
Bisexuality comes in a full spectrum of options. There are those who dip into their gender pool on every occasion they can, while others may only venture in after too many cocktails! By definition the main distinction between Bi and Hetero/Homo lifestyles is that at some point members of this group will experience "the alternate" gender from time to time. This leads many to believe that bisexuality is simply a margarita mix of homosexual and heterosexual tendencies, but other theorists define it less in a binary way (black or white) and tend to see it as an aesthetic attraction to people without regard for gender.
This less gender specific view of bisexuality has been cause for large amounts of controversy since the term was used in connection with sexual identity in the fifties. Many, in both the straight and gay community, feel that any level of participation in same sex relations is an indication of homosexuality. In this way bisexual people tend to be lumped into a political and social movement that does not necessarily reflect their particular struggles and needs. This is particularly true for self-identified 'try-sexuals' as in "try-anything-once." These tend to be people for whom sex is primarily restricted to members of the opposite sex, but during experimentation will engage in same-sex relations.
In many ways bisexuality challenges much of our conventional understandings of sexual orientation. By its very nature the term precludes simple descriptions and thus simple categorization, leaving it in a sexual limbo, which is where many bisexuals would prefer to remain, between both beds and getting the best of all worlds.
Historical context
One obvious contradiction to our current views of intercourse is the naughty nature of sexual behavior demonstrated throughout world history. From the Spartan-boy lovers in ancient Greece to the shogun emperors of Japan, men have been exercising a less rigid definition of sexual activity for centuries. In fact the only peoples seen having exclusively monosexual relationships over the course of recorded history are those cultures whose social mores are constructed by Judeo-Christian religiosity. It wasn’t until western morality began to privilege heterosexuality over all other forms of the gender attraction that sexual alternatives, to the purely functional reproductive-sex, became stigmatized and marginalized.
This history has been has not been the same for women. Even today in Indian, Arabic and Japanese culture, men, before marriage, have freedom to experiment with same sex relationships, whereas women were expected to engage sexually only within the confines of heterosexual marriage. In each of the aforementioned cultures, in analogous ways, it was young boys that usually participated in gay pleasures, then moving on to bisexual experimentation as young adults and primarily heterosexual marital-relations as adults. Though they may have engaged in, at certain times, homosexual/erotic behavior, they were not considered to be homosexual. The sexual orientation demonstrated during these time periods and in these cultural groups demonstrates a more fluid understanding of sexual identity and how they can change during a person's life.
It has taken far longer for bisexuality to find a voice in western culture. It was platform shoes and disco balls that set the stage for the birth of the contemporary bisexual movement. Though there were earlier communities practicing bisexuality (such as artist communes and "swinger" groups at the turn of the century), they were more closely connected to straight 'sexual liberation' ideology, than to the gay and lesbian community.
The 1970’s brought a more clearly bisexual identity, which was first defined by its support of the gay liberation movement, and then by its alienation, when the gay movement wanted to distance itself from the ambiguity of the bi position. The Gay and Lesbian movement felt that Bisexuality diluted the liberation movement by trying to keep one foot in the straight world. This gave rise to the proliferation of bisexual political organizations throughout the eighties, devoted to supporting the concerns specific to the bi community. The contemporary bisexual movement has focused on category smashing and inclusion of trans-gendered and other sexual and gender minorities. Fighting bi-phobia on both straight and gay fronts, positions the contemporary bi-movement came to be an important tool in the fight against sexual intolerance.
Stigma/ Perception
In a world where sexual identity is often used to draw lines of affiliation and belonging, men and women who belong to the bisexual community often find themselves cast out of both straight and gay groups. This can often cause even more feelings of alienation for young people already struggling with their own sexual identity. Since the gay community sometimes views being ‘bi’ as a cop-out, as a toning down of gay identity to ‘fit in’ to the straight world, bisexual people are treated as inauthentic members of the larger homosexual scene. Conversely the heterosexual majority tends to view female bisexuality as a normal expression of men’s fantasy, and male bisexuality as latent homosexuality. As a result of this neither bi-sexual men nor women tend to feel as though their sexual desires and orientation are recognized as genuine. This can lead to many more feelings of self-doubt and loathing, since the resources available to them for support are far more limited than to their gay and lesbian counterparts.
Knowing the Lingo
There are lots of terms used to reflect the changing nature of bisexuality:
Pansexual - being open to all types of gender orientation, even transgender or intersex people.
Bi-permissive - someone who does not actively seek out same-sex encounters but is open to them.
Bi-curious - can be a person who is not homosexual but is looking for "experimentation."
You can get more information on alternative sexual orientations by reading our articles on Heterosexuality, Homosexuality and Transsexuality.
I love guys
Hello I am 48 years old and have normal sex with wife as often as I can but I just just so turned on thinking about guys hard cocks I have had to wank myself off 100s of times after seeing pictures of them.But never done anything about it and probably wont as I dont want to cheat on my wife.
maybe this might help
have you talk to your wife about how you feel? it wouldn't be cheating if your wife agreed to it.even if you don't do anything about it,it might be a good thing if you talked to your wife about it and see where the talk takes you.
I dream of sucking a cock in
I dream of sucking a cock in the presence of a woman that would be turned on by such a thing. I have NO desire to have sex with a man otherwise. It must be in the presence of a woman. Id love to watch her masturbate while we get each oother off!!
i think i am bi
i think i am bi because i love to look a sexy girls and i kissed a girl once and liked it,but my family and friends think i am just bi curious because i have never actually had sex with a female but am open to try it. any advise or thought on the subject.
Umm
I have a problem I am bicurious and my bf is super religious on some things.We have had sex before and I love the way he feels but I also feel attracted to other girls. He gets defensive and tries to force me to only like a male touch...but I can't help myself what do I do. I am bout16
My condolences...
Well you are who you are. Being forced to be something that you are not is a terrible thing. Being open about who you are is a liberating experience. I know I have recently come to the realization that I am not straight, but also not into men. Let me tell you that took two of my three decades to figure out. ;)
Personally I don't feel Religion is the issue. If it were he would be orthodox about sex before marriage. I think he uses Religion as the justification for why he feels they way he does, without really putting thought into why he feels that way. The real issue is jealousy. Which stems from fear. Which comes from a lack of knowledge. Information tends to make jealousy and fear vanish.
He's not trying to make you like a male touch. He's trying to make you like his touch. How would he feel if you flirting with another guy? Most likely he would be jealous, and upset. How would he feel if you were flirting with another girl? Most likely he would be jealous and upset.
He feels threaten not because of the gender of people that you have interest in, but because he feels that it somehow invalidates the relationship you both have.
He most likely doesn't understand that it's not about him. Most straight, close minded men are shaken to the very core by anything outside their view of the norm. Remember information is the key. He is simply afraid of what he does not understand. And most likely cannot understand (the main draw back to dating anyone who labels themselves straight).
Making sure that he knows that just because you are bi curious does not mean that you don't love and support him is really key to moving the conversation forward. The first step is open honest communication while making sure that he knows just because you're openly expressing how you feel does not mean that it invalidates how much you care for him.
Keep an open mind, and good luck!
I hope that helps.
Its much less acceptable for Bi men
I am a mid-twenties bisexual man. I have a girlfriend who knows all about and is comfortable with my sexuality. Being bisexual doesnt mean i look at guys and want to have sex with them. For me its about attraction to people ho catch my attention, being male or female. I have dated men and women and have never thought of it as a way to have a 3-way with another. if you think your bf/gf may be jealous now about your thoughts on others, imagine how they will respond when they have a visual image to well on....
im 16 & im not sure if im bi
im 16 & im not sure if im bi or not. i get turned on when i see two girls getting intament i told my boyfriend i would have a 3 some with him & another girl one day. i sometimes dream about being with a girl in bed,but i've never "been" with a girl before. can someone help my confusion?
Bicurous
I think the general label is bicurious. Once you have some experience with the ladies under your belt, then try on the more daunting label of bisexual.
For a while perhaps forget about labels. If it turns you on, explore it. Be up front and perhaps ask permission to have sex with a girl without him present or as a watcher not active participant. But also make sure that he feels loved and supported.
From personal experience let me suggest that it may actually be an interest in multiple sex partners. I haven't heard a good label, and I'm not terribly fond of 'poly amorous' because that usually describes emotional rather than sexual relationships. And 'swinger' is kind of tacky.
I, for example, am not straight and do not identify as such. But I'm also not into guys. Now I have put my self in bed with a naked man (and the girl I was with at the time) and gave myself permission to do whatever I wanted. And I found that I was just not into having sex with him directly. I have to say as a side note that the three of us had some of the hottest sex of our lives... But it just wasn't M on M sex (much to my girlfriends disappointment).
Also from personal experience arranging a three way can be really difficult even when everyone involved wants to. My wife and a girl she was seeing for a while never quite got together despite all our best efforts.
thinkin
im 16 n i think im bi but dont know so can bi girlz hit me up n tell me things of how they knew they where bi ...thanks girls[please]
Probably bi
Hey
I'm 18 and have slept with guys and girls before. For me, it was really difficult accepting that I might be bi after years of thinking I was gay. Now though, I've come to accept it - I know I'm bi because I'm attracted to both guys and girls - yeah, admittedly, a lot more girls and women, but still a few guys. Sex with both gives me pleasure, whether it's sex with just a guy or just a girl, or with both at the same time. That's not to say that I'm attracted to everybody - so if you're not attracted to everyone but are attracted to both men and women (even if you're more strongly attracted to one than the other), you're probably bi. Hope this helps.
im bi
im 13 and im bi but i deny it. many of my friends r very religious and say it is wrong 2 want 2 hav sex with another girl and that if i do i will go 2 hell. i find that SO wrong. my boyfriend gets jealous when i talk about wanting another girl and he felt extremely betrayed when i kissed 1. so every1 thinks im straight again and i feel horrible 4 not being so. im lying 2 them and i dont like it. can some1 help me? email me at
xxanime2emoxx@yahoo.com
I'm bi curious
I really want to experiment like i love to look a females bodies but wonder what can i do with it and how could it be. I definately can please myself and i know damn well i can please another girl..
i recently jus realized that
i recently jus realized that i was bi. i thought i was for a very long time. but never sed anything to ne one becuz i myself wasnt sure. then one nite, me my husband, my best friend & his best friend, all went out and got super drunk. next thing i knew, i was eating out my friend, and so was she for me... then thats wen i realized i was bi. my husband loves that im bi....and it all makes sense now. i was always checking girls out more then my husband was. and when we watched porn.. i onli got turned on, if there were 2 girls having sex. so now im open about my sexuality and cant wait to try more new things.. =)
confused
I was confused for a really long time before I discovered that I was bi.
I had a crush on a girl, then I thought that it was all in my head, then I had a crush on a girl, then I'd think it was all in my head.
I finally realized that I am bisexual, and proud!
I need help
i watch porn alot like i cant help it and im only 16 is that normal cause i like to watch girls and idk if im bi but i think about me an girls and i watch porn with girls all thee time but i only dated boys is it just a faz like i just like porn or im really bi i need help sumone help me wat should i dew to get a answer....
don't sweat
when i was 16 there were rude comments coming from dudes that allude to how you're supposed to have sex with a woman (lucky for me my boyfriend is just o so understanding of me :D).
But Some guys seem to think chicks only need to be penetrated by a penis to have a good time. because that's what male-porn must have taught them. Wrong!
Women are more whole-body sexual than most straight men.
Why do you think you like to watch lesbians so much? Ladies achieve orgasms easily from clitoral stimulation. Y'know all of those sex therapists in magazines always talk about how cunnilingus should be such a big part of sex with a girl.
iam still kinda young and i
iam still kinda young and i am a virgin,i've had a lot of fun sexual experiences but I've never actually had sex with sumbody. i have a really great guy friend and he's straight and we've messed around before. I really like him and he tells me he likes me too. we're not having a relationship but i think we prolly wil make it an official thing soon. but i'm really kinda confused. he asked me once if I was bisexual and i said no. I have another friend who is bi and i've talked to him about it. i am sorta intersted in girls too. i've never gotten to experiment with another girl but i fantasize about it a lot. my guy friend said that he wouldn't mind if that was my orientation as long as we could still be together but how am I supposed to know? if i've never tried anything with another girl than i wouldn't know right? I really like the guy and I haven't told him that i think about this stuff. he makes me feel really good and I just want him to think that i'm just here for him. but it's hard for me. I think I might like to try things with a girl and i'm afraid of what he would think even though he said it would be alright HELP ME!!!
some people are old fashioned
I have been attracted to women for as long as i can remember but for me i have not told my family that i am bi
its bad enuff wen you are trying to sort out your feeling and have your parents judge you as well
i am not ashamed but i hate to be judged by the ones who should support me
I have a cousin who told the fams that he was bi and they judged him and made fun of them and thats wot i want to avoid
Pansexual
Im a pansexual. I find different people attractive etc. But I could never imagine being wit two people. I love my bf. And even though i love to "look" and "think" and "do" things with others. I wont because im withhim. Its fun though because we both point out girls and compare them haha. But we know we love each other. If you crave another then i dont think your relationship shoulod be happening
her want
well my gf and i have been dating for about two years now and in the last 2 months she has thought of going bi and i told her i wouldnt care if she brought a girlfreind home as long as she still remembers that she is my gf and doesnt break up with me for some other girl that she likes to have sex with and she understands that and it has turned out to be a great 3some thing for me she has brought girls home for about a month and she likes to have sex with other women but she is certon that she will never go stright women on women lesbian but she is still unccertian on being bi i like the 3somes but i dont want to preasure her into being bi just so i can have more 3somes what should i tell her because she keeps asking me for my oppion
It's difficult.
I've been bisexual since I was 11 years old. My first experience was with my best friend [at the time]. I've slept with many many women. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. It's hard to be bisexual because my boyfriend lives with me. I've been wanting a woman really bad lately, but I have no opportunities since my boyfriend lives with me. It's incredibly hard to be in a long term relationship with a man and want a woman at the same time. I have no clue how to bring it up to him because [even tho he's supportive] it makes me feel like he'll be upset thinking I won't want him anymore [which isn't true]. I have no idea.
:D
3some, 3some, 3some!!!!!
trust me, i would never let me girl near another guy (not that shed want one).
but if she wanted to bring a girl in for a threesome, i would looove that. the girl could eat her while she oralized muah. :p cool termage right?
lol but seriously, offer him a threesome, he wont deny.
my girl was bi well x girl
my girl was bi well x girl friend. but she had a girl the same time we were dating ask him what he thinks
..
my first kiss was with a girl. ive had 3ways, ive fingered and even licked a girl out. its really exciting but yet im not BI lol... even though being with a girl is a whole lot more fun, i prefer males :)
Girl is Bi, I am Not
My girlfriend and I are in a long-term exclusive relationship. She told me from the outset of our relationship that she was bisexual. I told her I was open to that and didn't mind if she brought a girlfriend home. I am very touched by the fact that despite the fact that we can't be together all the time, she considers having sex with a woman without me there to be infidelity, though I've tried to get her to ease up on this. She and I both agree that there will be no 2M1F threesomes (I am overprotective, possessive, and would get jealous, and she isn't too into the idea of being a "rotisserie spit" between myself and another man). We have both expressed interest in having a 2F1M threesome, despite our jokes that the only person having fun with the "guest" would be her.
Problem is... we are in a loving, romantic relationship, and we do eventually plan to get married. I don't want her to feel like she can't have sex with a woman just because we are in love and we plan to be together until our dying day. I'm not asking for advice here, but I do want to hear your opinions on the matter.
Bi-Girl..
Im Bi, my partner knows and sometimes accepts it, sometimes it makes him uneasy. Sometimes he questions how I can be bi if i am only sleeping with him and not women. I try to explain that I've always been turned on by women and men.. My first experience was with a women. He sometimes gets it and other times he doesn't.
I am only sleeping with him but I miss the touch of a women. I miss the sensual connection. He says the fantasy of a threesome turns him on but is unsure of the reality. Its the same for me. I would be too jealous to go through with a threesome, but love the idea. Its tough.
He sometimes pushes me to explore my bi side and other times he seems insecure by it.
Its also difficult within the gay / lesbian community. I have often been called greedy. Its not that.. Its just that the gender is not as important as the person. I often run into lesbians who will have nothing to do with bisexuals and its a shame.
Bi
I am bi and my BF approves of it. He finds no problem in me performing acts of fantasies with other woman even infront of him and he actually enjoys it. However he is straight, but he does not mind a threesome so far limited to 1M2f as he thinks that the other way around may cause psychological problems is our 6 year relationship.
.
ABSOLUTELY, don't do it. guys are alot more emotional about that stuff when it comes to seeing there girl getting fucked, girls have a way of putting up with guys shit naturally, probably because guys are naturally too horny, and sometimes think with there little head. another problem is girls are alot more emotional about the act as well, because they tend to be attached, or feel like what they have is not enough after that.
of course everyones differant, but i think for sure, that 2 girls and 1 guy, is a lot more acceptable in a relationship, when it comes to having threesomes, with little psychological problems, also suggest no penetration with the other girl (why would he need her if hes got you) but allow oral cuz she could do it much different then you, tthat can help avoid problems and mix it up.
My View...
I would really have to agree with Destiny 808 being Bi sexual is really hard when you are in a long term exclusive relationship...I hate talking about it with my guy because it makes him feel like there's something I want/need that he can't provide, which is and isn't true... He is the best lover I have ever had and I wouldn't trade him for the world but he just doesn't have a vagina...I don't want to be with a girl in the sense that I really want her to go down on me, I just LOVE the female touch and making love to a women...I have also always wanted to buy a strap on or something and f**k another women, I think it would be such an amazing experience... I have even tried to get my guy to have a threesome with me and offered to let him do stuff with the other girl too but he's just not having it (leave it to me to find one of the only guys out there who doesn't think that's great!)...As far as what classifies a girl as being bi sexual, I think if you are attracted to other women and would let them do something to you but you wouldn't do anything to them, you're pretty much normal. I think it's when you want to actually have sex with another women that you're truely bi sexual, I think most all women are bi curious to some degree...All I know it I guess I just miss the touch of another women...
:*(
Anne