Asexuality

What does it mean to not be sexual; to not experience attraction, or the desire to engage in sexual activity? It is a state of being that has is virtually unheard of, particularly given the modern day, highly sexualized climate. With a constant spotlight on who's doing what, with whom, and how often, it's not a wonder that some people feel like there is something wrong with them simply because they aren't interested in sex the same way as the majority of people.

This condition is described as ‘asexuality’. Though it has yet to fully receive recognition from the academic & scientific community as an official sexual orientation, among self-identified asexuals (or 'aces') it has been embraced as a legitimate and acceptable classification that accounts for this uncommon expression of sexuality.

The most distinct feature of this sexual orientation is that the lack of desire for another person is not a choice: it is just a part of who they are. In the same way that hetero/homosexual persons instinctually feel attraction toward others, aces just as instinctively feel an absence of that sexual appetite.

What asexuality is

Asexuality is an emerging sexual orientation. Despite its rarity, researchers and scientists who are breaking ground on its study regard asexuality as a legitimate, naturally occurring, sexual preference. In contrast to erotic disorders (see below), asexuality is not the result of mental insufficiency or childhood trauma. Published in 2004 in the Journal of Sex Research, Anthony Bogart characterized it as, “The absence of traditional sexual orientation."

Even though sex is not desired, asexuals can have a preference for men, women or both. This explains why they usually choose to identify as gay, lesbian, straight or bisexual. Aces may seek the company of other people for companionship, even forming close emotional bonds, but it is just as acceptable for them to lead independent lifestyles. Asexuals are free to pursue relationships with ordinary hetero or homosexual persons, but when it comes to what they'll agree to do to satisfy a partner's sexual needs, it is entirely up to them.

What asexuality isn't

Celibacy should not be confused with asexuality. Although asexuals are often mislabeled as being such, celibates may experience desire towards another, but rather than acting upon those feelings of arousal, they deliberately abstain from sexual relations so as to remain ‘chaste’.

For those who identify with this sexual preference, being asexual is not considered a problem. In fact, many consider it liberating to finally be able to identify the basis of their so-called sexual problem.

The asexual community regards their lack of desire as not being due to emotional scarring, sexual abuse, or early childhood trauma; it is also not the result of problems with intimacy. Indeed, because sex isn't a factor, some asexuals feel that they're in a situation that makes them better capable of having deep, intimate relationships.

Asexuality looks and feels different for everyone involved. Variation does exist among the asexual community, as it does among all sexual orientations, but it is this diversity that brings them to a common ground.

What happens in a relationship?

Asexuals can and do get into relationships with others. They should not to be considered as unemotional; asexuals have normal psychological needs that may need to be met by their partners. Depending on their preferences, they might also enjoy flirting, cuddling, holding hands or being romantic. However, there are also those who don't date or form attachments. Some asexuals want children and choose to bear them through such means as invitro fertilization.

Some people believe that sexual orientation is based on how you feel, not what you do. This may explain why people who identify as asexual are often in relationships where, from time to time, they partake in sexual activity. Even though they prefer not to, they may choose to do so as a compromise with a partner who is more sexual.

Arousal

Though their bodies are capable of experiencing arousal, asexuals may not make the connection, whether consciously or unconsciously, between physiological responses such as ‘getting wet’, or having an erection, to the hunger for sex with another.

With regard to masturbation; some do it and some don't – it is a matter of personal choice. Masturbatory activity is still in keeping with the definition of asexuality that has more to do with desire directed toward another person, rather than the self.

Sexual Disorders and other academic considerations

Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). It is the term diagnosticians use to most closely describe asexuality. Both with sexual aversion disorder and HSDD, there is an "aversion for genital contact with these partners" (Bogart, 2004). However, the definition fails to acknowledge those individuals who naturally feel no desire (rather than ‘aversion’) to direct sexual attention toward others.

Proponents of asexuality are applying to have the definition of HSDD changed in version five of the DSM so that it no longer pathologizes asexuality. Unfortunately, much of past sexual research was aimed at curing sexual problems related to physiology, and focused more on behavior and less on desire. Since there is very little research done on an asexual's lack of sexual attraction, a suitable and more scientifically verified classification may take time to develop.

Asexuality in the wild

Asexuality has been proven to exist in the animal kingdom. For example, the US Sheep Experiment Stations of the 1990's examined partner preference of mature rams. Here, it was demonstrated that 2-3% of those rams displayed absolutely no desire to have sex with either males or females. However, we should be very careful in applying the results of animal studies to the human species. Since there's been virtually no research done on human asexuality, specialists can't agree on how to define it or what (if anything) causes it.

The online asexual community

David Jay, founder of the ‘Asexual Visibility and Education Network’, created AVEN in 2001 to serve as the first network to provide extensive information about this orientation. Asexuals gather here in an online community of support and acceptance, and have the opportunity to discuss relevant topics in an active forum. In addition, family and friends are welcome, as well as researchers, academics, press, and those who are exploring and defining their sexual orientation. Today a number of asexuality sites exist that provide resources and encouragement to serve the global network.

Why is there a need for a label?

Dr. Elizabeth Abbott (historian, researcher and author), describes asexuals struggle for identification in society, "The asexual can be somebody's husband or wife. But societal pressures keep most asexuals in the closet. They have to hide themselves because we are in a highly sexed society. Imagine someone who doesn't even want it and who isn't having a problem if they're not getting it. There's not really anyone for them to talk to."

Increasing the visibility of asexuality has many benefits. Knowing that there are others who experience sexuality in the same way is reassuring, especially for those who have felt isolated or ashamed because their proclivities are so different from the majority. It also provides direction and assistance for people seeking sexual self-awareness.

Opponents believe that labeling oneself creates barriers to personal exploration, curiosity and openness to new possibilities. Proponents affirm that the term is merely a "word that people use to help figure themselves out."

Final thoughts

The concept of asexuality challenges us to re-examine what we consider normal sexual behavior. Human desire and relationships have always been complicated by expectations from family, social pressure, religion, love, sexual desire and romance. However, it's important to understand that defined sexual orientations are merely generic labels that can never adequately and fully describe the full range of normal variations. The most important thing is to feel good and natural about our own orientation, whatever it may look like.

You can get more information on alternative sexual orientations by reading our articles on Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality and Transsexuality.