Q. My husband keeps telling me that I don't have the right attitude when wearing lingerie. He says that I wear it like a sweater, which means that I put it on and expect him to come to me. I have asked him what kind of attitude he wants and he says that he's not sure. Part of the problem is that I can't find lingerie that REALLY makes me feel irresistible. Where can I find affordable lingerie that I feel good in, and how can I improve my attitude when wearing it?
A. Unless you are a great actress then you have to feel sexy in order to act sexy (a.k.a. having the ‘right attitude’). Even a good act wears thin if you really aren’t into it, and if your husband knows you well (and is sensitive), then he will be able to tell anyway - and it won’t be an enjoyment for him either.
Ask yourself honestly what the causes of your feelings are - before you spend a stack of money on expensive lingerie that you might never feel comfortable in. If you have a concern about your body image, by all means do what you can to improve it, but perhaps your concerns are more in your mind than reality … your husband hopefully loves and admires you just as you are.
If you simply don’t like lingerie (IS there a woman who doesn’t?), or don’t like ‘showing’ yourself off in that manner, then the answer is to either:
- Keep trying to overcome your concerns and do your best with it (because your desire to please your husband is greater than your distaste); or,
- Communicate to him how you feel and find another avenue of pleasure that is more acceptable to you both. This rule applies to all sexual activities; you should never participate in anything that you really don’t want to do!
If you do wish to keep trying lingerie, then you should include him in shopping for it (if you haven’t already). This way you KNOW that he will find you sexy in whatever you are wearing – a real confidence booster for you! Please both read our article on Lingerie Shopping (for men) … the information there is good for you too. Also check out our forum for threads on the topic of Lingerie.
Without knowing your location it is impossible to recommend a ‘high-street’ store. However, if you want to shop discretely online for affordable lingerie please check out Eden Fantasys (North America) or LoveHoney (U.K.).