Boyfriend says I need 'french class 101'

Q. I used to have great make out sessions with my ex-boyfriend. He even told me in all honesty that I was the best kisser he'd ever had - and yes, he had multiple girlfriends before me. French kissing just came naturally to me.

After we broke up I spent 7 months single, with no practice kissing any other guy. I now have a new boyfriend, and our french kissing is like starting from scratch. I HAVE LOST MY MOJO!! After we tried the first time, he chuckled and told me I needed french class 101. *Oh, thanks hun!* It was horrible and horribly embarrassing. I now have to prove him wrong and I am hoping for the best. Any tips?


A. Kissing is an intimate way to convey affection and desire toward another person. It is both personal and physical, and as such everyone will do it a bit differently. Contrary to what your new boyfriend said about your technique (which, by the way, he expressed in a juvenile and insensitive fashion), there is no right or wrong way to do it.

It hurts to be told that there's something wrong with the way you smooch, especially since you're performing in a way that just comes naturally to you. Though it’s nearly impossible not to take it personally, don't be so quick to doubt your skills. One doesn't just 'forget' how to kiss; since you had great make-out sessions with your last boyfriend, it sounds like the problem isn't solely your own.

It may be that your kissing techniques are merely different, though there are a number of basic necking principles that everyone should adhere to: keep good hygiene, hold back slobber, go slowly, and be responsive to your mate. Other than a few stylistic elements (which you hone with each partner you have), your kissing style will be as unique and wonderful as you are.

Your fella's reaction demonstrates that he lacks a bit of maturity - another reason why he might not be the best judge of style. It takes both parties to make kissing the enjoyable activity that it is. Since you're a new couple, the problem may simply be that you're not yet in sync. Establishing a groove that works for both of you might come easily, but it can just as easily take time to develop.

Instead of wasting your time finding ways to prove him wrong - a fruitless and immature approach to this issue - ask him to work on it with you. It's also a good idea to share your viewpoint on the situation and how his approach made you feel; after all, you shouldn't automatically assume blame for a make-out mismatch.

Your Kissing styles don't have to clash if you agree to work on it together. Before you dive into frenching, both of you need to start from scratch. Begin by just kissing one another's lips, reserving tongue action for when you're both comfortable with the other's technique. Ask for feedback and be sure to share yours as well. Pucker up and have fun with it; it can be a great opportunity to tell one another exactly what you like and how. With all this new found communication, you might even share fantasies and broach territory you might otherwise not have.