Q. I have been experiencing some problems having sex with my girlfriend; to be honest, it's only been successful once. The problem is my penis circumference seems too great for me to actually enter her. It's a struggle getting it into her vagina, and even if we do succeed it's uncomfortable for her and it soon seems to pop out again - like it's being spat back out or something. We have already tried using lubrication, and not in small amounts either. This is a frustrating problem that’s having a horrible effect on an otherwise great relationship. I'm the first guy she's had sex with...
A. Based on what you’ve described, it’s difficult to know how much your penis size impacts the functioning of your sexual relationship. It is possible that she has any number of conditions that cause the muscles at the entrance of her vagina to spasm, making it nearly impossible to accommodate any penis.
The fact that you’re the first man she’s chosen to sleep with has a huge bearing on the situation. First experiences with sex are significant, but no one guarantees they’re pleasurable. Women who aren’t experienced sexually can have a hard time relaxing their vaginal muscles. Until she becomes comfortable with herself, nervousness and insecurity will affect her ability to enjoy making love.
Choosing you to be her first was probably a big decision. As exciting and sexy as that is for you, it also comes with a few responsibilities. If you want the experience to be gratifying for both of you, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Be patient with her lack of experience. Just because she was ready to try the act of sex doesn’t mean that she is fully prepared to handle some of the challenges that come with it, such as concerns about Safe Sex and Birth Control … or whatever!
2. Set a good example for her; show her that there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Even if it takes a while to iron out the details, reassure her that it’s ok! In the meantime, relish in one another’s bodies and explore other pleasurable aspects of sex like foreplay or Oral Sex.
3. Sex isn’t meant to be a stressful event, but your frustration is (understandably) coming from a place of wanting to excite and impress her. Avoid putting so many expectations on the outcome of intercourse. You may want to make her feel amazing, but becoming comfortable with sex and the sensations it generates takes time!
4. Be encouraging both physically and emotionally. The best way to help her become more responsive to you is help her relax. Check in often to make sure you’re both on the same page; all it takes is asking, “Does this feel ok for you?” This will make her feel more confident and secure with you, which in turns helps her receptivity.
5. A good lover will have the emotional maturity and skills to communicate desire, equally as well as his or her concerns. Hopefully she’ll follow your cues and express what she feels good and what doesn’t.
Her First Time will help you gain further insight about a woman’s first experiences with sexual activity. Foreplay, Vaginal Intercourse and Positions for a Larger Penis will give you more helpful information to make the sexual experience gratifying and enjoyable for both of you.