Q. Most time when I and my boyfriend have sex, I feel like I am going to orgasm when I have my legs over his shoulders. It gets very intense, very quickly and I can feel that I'm about to come, but I never seem to in the end. It's as if I am holding it in - I have a hard time relaxing and just letting it happen. I'm scared that it will be a lot of liquid because it feels like I have to pee (which is why i go to the bathroom before we have sex). If I do ever come, I'm worried my boyfriend will think what comes out is weird or something. Any tips?
A. You need to realize that ejaculation is a perfectly normal part of your sexual identity. According to Deborah Sundahl's book, ‘Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot: Not Your Mother's Orgasm Book!’, women are born with the "anatomical ability to ejaculate". 'Squirting', as it's commonly referred to, is just as natural as a man ejaculating, except that it is less talked about in the public domain, and thus still shrouded in mystery and misunderstanding. Luckily, good news travels fast!
Women who have the ability to ejaculate, as well as those aspiring to do so, should accept that it is a natural part of their sexuality. Though these orgasmic juices are expelled through the urethra, they are distinct from urine in that they are produced in what's known as the Skeen's glands (or female prostate, being the more modern term) rather than in the kidneys. Though your 'squirts' may be tinged with urine, the liquid smells different, tastes different, and comes as a result of pleasure - not the need to excrete bodily waste.
Female Ejaculation needs to be understood by your sexual partner, if he isn't already familiar with this aspect of your sexual function. Your partner's willingness to embrace the 'gush' - which can range from a couple of teaspoons to over a cup of liquid - will have a powerful impact on your capacity to relax and let it happen. Since neither one of you have broached the subject, you're left worrying about his reaction and thus, subconsciously suppressing your ejaculate.
It's not that ejaculation is required to experience sexual pleasure, but for some women it just comes with the territory. You have to be free to let your body do what come naturally, and for that to happen, you need to break it down for your man in such a way that gets him - and you - excited about what's to come! If he can be encouraging, or the very least accepting, you can both embark on this wonderfully intimate, very erotic experience.