Q. I really want to start experimenting with my girlfriend in the bedroom. Nothing too crazy, maybe some rough stuff, anal play, or her getting into some really sexy outfits. She’s a bit on the shy side when it comes to sex so I don’t know how to get her into it. Tips?
A. Pretty much every woman has a really naughty side, so if you ever want a shot at kinky sex with your girlfriend, it’s your job to help bring it out. Her inner freak can be a bit fickle, partly because she doesn’t know if you can handle it or partly because she hasn’t quite figured it out herself - but regardless of the reason, if it hasn’t surfaced already, it’ll need a bit of coaxing.
Even though you’ve probably imagined all the kinky things you could do to each other hundreds of times before, you can’t expect her to jump into it full force without some demonstrated effort on your part. If you’ve never gone to the dark side together, then it’s up to you to open yourself up. Start by sharing some of your fantasies, just make them girlfriend-friendly, and work you way up to it by (perhaps): Role Playing, Talking Dirty, Choosing a Sex Toy, or Mutual Masturbation as you watch some porn.
Ease into it, together. When you’re coming up with ideas for fun, don’t put too much pressure on her to do any one kinky act. The key to experimentation is that you explore mutually agreed upon areas of sexuality, and if you show enthusiasm and appreciation for things she is open to trying, she’ll be more apt to push her own boundaries as she gains more experience. And at all costs, don’t go around telling her how dirty you’ve gotten with past girlfriends; you’ll only make her feel self-conscious - and the only person you’ll end up handcuffing to the bedpost is yourself.
It takes some guts to share one’s more ‘colorful’ sexual preferences, and even more to actually act upon them, but it also requires that they feel comfortable with their partner. If she even suspects that that you’re the type to judge or poke fun at her, you can kiss your hopes of getting dirty goodbye. If you want her to be able let go of all her inhibitions, you need to show that you’re the perfect person to do that with; be open-minded, show maturity, and respect her - that goes for in and out of the bedroom.