Q. I've heard that as women get older, they need more lube. I'm not really at that point yet, but I was wondering if it is possible to lose sensitivity in your vagina. I can't seem to orgasm any longer, not even when I masturbate. I have also gained weight ... could that be the issue?
A. Not being able to Orgasm any more certainly must be frustrating for you, and this issue definitely deserves some investigation by yourself, and perhaps even a health professional. There are a number of things that could be contributing to your problem … some of which impact your ability to get aroused, some that will cause pain while you're having intercourse, and others that will prevent you from climaxing. Given that there's a laundry list of potential issues, it's going to have to be a process of elimination to determine the cause.
Physical causes play a huge role in affecting your libido. You mentioned that you had gained weight. It could just be that you're feeling the physical (and mental) burden of carrying some extra pounds and your body might need time to adjust to the change. The simplest solution is to embrace regular exercise, even if it's something as simple as biking to work, or regular walks. Not only will physical activity improve circulation to your erogenous zones, it'll reinvigorate your sex drive. Also, balance your diet. If you've fallen victim to eating convenience food, your body is not working at its optimal capacity, and you may be short on the vitamins and minerals needed to keep you feeling your finest.
Your weight gain and change in sexual response could also be a sign that you need to speak to a doctor. Side effects from medication, hormonal fluctuations from birth control, and any number of ailments could be to blame. Check out our advice on I Don't Want Sex Because I Gained Weight for more possible causes.
You also can't discount the impact your mind has on your libido (see: Healthy Body Means Better Sex). Worrying about the fact that sex no longer results in orgasm can have the unfortunate tendency of perpetuating the problem even further, and knowing that there might be something wrong creates a state of mind that is not conducive to arousal. As stress, depression, relationship issues, or past sexual trauma could all be valid explanations for your current situation, consider carefully whether your mental health has something to do with it.
When it comes to sex, there might be a combination of problems contributing to the problem. The best way to focus your efforts is by taking care of yourself and trying to eliminate any of the most obvious possible causes. Reflect upon the change to your sexual patterns by taking into account when you first noticed a difference and retrace any life events that could have contributed to this issue. Be patient; sex is an expression of the way you feel inside and out, so don't be hard on yourself if the answers come don't immediately. If this does not resolve the problem, seek the advice of a health practitioner.