How do I let my orgasm happen?
Q. I've just finished reading some of your articles about female orgasm, and I must say I'm quite relieved! I'm not a freak!! Since I met my boyfriend, I discovered what a clitoral orgasm was. He is so gifted and loving that they have been growing more and more intense. Recently, while we were being intimate, I felt a build-up inside both my stomach and vagina and had a massive urge to urinate! My boyfriend said I should roll with it, but when I tried I couldn't seem to get any release. The feeling was so intense I worried that, if I lost control, I would have peed myself.
A. We're very happy that our resources were both reassuring and useful to you. Experiencing climax via a g-spot orgasm is one of the most misunderstood sexual phenomenon out there; yet, they're highly sought after by the women that want to have them and the men that want to facilitate them.
It appears that you're in the early stages of getting to know your g-spot. Perhaps it's because of the sexual positions you're using, or the fact that you feel confident and comfortable with your lover. It sounds like your awareness of the sensations that get aroused in your body by sex is also improving. You've done well to embrace pleasure thus far, so keep it up!
The next phase in your development is to surrender to the moment. Don't worry about what your boyfriend's going to think or about the fluids that may be expelled. Your fella probably has an inkling of what's to come and is inviting you to the party. The other thing to prepare yourself for is to not try to do anything when you feel that same pressure in your vagina. G-spot Stimulation and Female Ejaculation are some of the biggest ‘Catch 22s’ of sex: in the heat of the moment, the more you focus on it, the farther you are from experiencing the release.
Here are some ideas that can help you get closer to your goal...
- Sex Toys - If you haven’t quite figured it out with a partner, try solo play using a toy. You might feel more relaxed without a captive audience. You can take as long as you want and have absolute control over intensity and depth. Look for pleasure objects that are specifically designed to stimulate the g-spot. The Liberte is great, and (if you like glass) try something like the Crescent Glass Dildo. If you need a fair bit of clitoral stimulation, strap on the Micro Butterfly Vibe.
- Have Patience & Relax - Being able to cum is as mental as it is physical. Experiencing a g-spot orgasm will be much more attainable if you don’t hyper-fixate on it. The less you stress, push or rush, the better your mental and physical response will be. When you feel that pressure on your g-spot (which, as you discovered already, can feel similar to needing to urinate) let your body react spontaneously. If it doesn't go as you hoped, simply accept it and remove expectations that might be getting to you. Don't forget that stress, exhaustion, and a myriad of other things can impact your ability succumb to orgasm; thus, take the time to restore yourself.
- Honest Discussion with Partner - Having a g-spot orgasm might not be achievable by every woman, but striving for a sincere intimate connection is. One person's low self-esteem (which you mentioned impacts your sexual activity) can end up making both partners feel uncomfortable. Don't take for granted that the intimate time you spend together is precious, and not to be marred by personal insecurities. Trust that he wants you to feel good; but if there's something that is really bothering you, clear it up with him before it interferes with your sex life further.