Q. I tried anal sex for the first time today. I am 41 and am of good health. It was a huge fantasy for me to do it, but now I’m freaking out because it ended up being a terrible experience. Every time he withdrew, there’d be poo everywhere. I am mortified! I am a clean person, but now I’m concerned that I am defective in some way and won’t ever be able to enjoy anal sex! I suppose I’m a fairly erratic eater and don’t empty/clean my bowels regularly, but it’s nothing extreme. This experience has been humiliating! Please help...
A. What an awful experience to have happen on your first go around with anal sex! Aside from feeling totally mortified - which under the circumstances is very understandable - you’re probably experiencing some disappointment that this long time fantasy of yours didn’t come out as you had hoped … but don’t give up! Anal stimulation in the form of Masturbation or penetration can be extremely arousing, and you don’t want to throw in the towel before you experience what it’s meant to be like.
The truth of the matter is, your expectations surrounding ‘the first time’ for any new sexual activity should be taken with a grain of salt. Think back to the First Time you had intercourse. Was it everything you always imagined it’d be? Did it go off without a hitch? Chances are, it was not the pretty picture you had envisioned it - and realistically, the only way to get better at anything you’re unfamiliar with is through preparation and practice.
The ins-and-outs of butt play aren’t exactly rocket science, but it definitely requires some know-how. It never hurts to do a bit of homework on any new adventure into a new aspect of your sexuality - especially to prepare for something like Anal Intercourse, where hygiene and Safe Sex practices are paramount. Also, get on the same page with your partner. Sure it’s embarrassing to make a mess, but this sort of thing comes with the territory, so you both need to get comfortable with it!
Had you done a bit more investigation, you would have found out beforehand that expelling a small amount of feces during anal play is nothing to worry yourself over. Though the Rectum is merely a passageway (not a ‘holding station’) for bodily waste, traces amounts of feces may remain there up to a few hours after a bowel movement (BM). If you eat a healthy diet, have no gastrointestinal issues, and maintain consistent bowel habits, this shouldn't be a regular occurrence. Additionally, timing of your BM’s is also of the essence. Since everyone’s body is different, there’s no universal rule of thumb about when to eat and go, but it’s generally a good idea to have a sufficient BM at least a few hours before engaging in any sort of butt play.
In your case, the irregularity of your meals isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s not conducive to tidy anal play either. Luckily, enemas can alleviate much of your anxieties over cleanliness and ensure a clean chute. An Enema is a simple procedure that is used to clear the bowel and colon of fecal matter, and introducing a liquid, usually warm water or laxative solution, into this area of the body is enough to stimulate a BM and clean the rectum of residual waste. Purchase your inexpensive at-home enema kit from any local drugstore; make sure you follow the instructions and give yourself at least a few hours to recover before engaging in play.
Finally, keep ‘wet-wipes’ or a moist hand-towel nearby for interim cleanliness while at play, and perhaps an old sheet or towel underneath to alleviate any concern about soiling of regular bed-linen, etc.
Try the above and you can be sure of a much more positive and enjoyable experience next time.